Emotional Shock That Disrupted Drumming

R

RobertM

Platinum Member
Has anyone experienced an emotional shock or hurt that significantly disrupted your enjoyment in drumming? Like a divorce, relationship betrayal, family loss? How did you find your way back to your music passion?
 
Yes, and drumming and music is my therapy.
Wouldn't know what to do without it. I just kept practising without any joy because I didn't know what else to do. Now it's more joyable again, it just takes a long, long time to get there. Just keep on.
 
RobertM said:
Has anyone experienced an emotional shock or hurt that significantly disrupted your enjoyment in drumming? Like a divorce, relationship betrayal, family loss? How did you find your way back to your music passion?
Click to expand...

Shedding for hours is what I did. Then joined a mediocre band that did 100 gigs a year to get back into shape.

But backing up to before that time: for 15 years I just worked. No musical performing or practice for 15 years. Just work because it kept me away from home. In 2018 I got done working the way Forrest Gump got done running.
When they shut the world down for 2 weeks to flatten the curve I still didn't play.

But when they reopened the world I went to jams to be a bass player. But could only drum so that's what I did. Then I discovered my kick didn't work anymore. I spent lots of time getting control over it again.
There's a small clique at our jams and being older, they weren't so welcoming. Being told that I can't do something (this time by not being in the clique) has always motivated me, so eff them. I'm gonna play for me and it's gonna be as much as possible.
 
RobertM said:
Has anyone experienced an emotional shock or hurt that significantly disrupted your enjoyment in drumming? Like a divorce, relationship betrayal, family loss? How did you find your way back to your music passion?
Click to expand...
Yes. Other people aware of my music background were instrumental (no pun intended) in getting me reconnected. Every single instance has been in a church context. I am thrilled to have these opportunities to play on a weekly basis. It's the right pace and I could not have picked a more ideal situation. Just like baby bear's bed, the fit is just right.

I took a four year break during some family losses starting in 2019. Couldn't focus on much, let alone drumming. I needed time to grieve and heal. Now I'm back in the saddle with renewed vigor. ;)
 
I had times when I just didn't feel like doing it. Put a cover on the kit & just let it bee for a month. No real rhyme or reason...I just didn't feel like doing it.
Then I'd get the bug & hit it again for a good long time.
 
When my mother passed it took months to feel like I wanted to play drums again. I did attempt to play during the grief but I got very little joy out of it. Time does heal, but you still have the scar. I also felt that way for awhile after 9/11. For me, it was simply allowing the passing of enough time to elapse to recover emotionally from the initial shock that brought back my love and enjoyment of drumming.
 
RobertM said:
Has anyone experienced an emotional shock or hurt that significantly disrupted your enjoyment in drumming? Like a divorce, relationship betrayal, family loss? How did you find your way back to your music passion?
Click to expand...
Like all of sudden there's no audience?

I'll show myself out.
 
Ruok said:
When my mother passed it took months to feel like I wanted to play drums again. I did attempt to play during the grief but I got very little joy out of it. Time does heal, but you still have the scar. I also felt that way for awhile after 9/11. For me, it was simply allowing the passing of enough time to elapse to recover emotionally from the initial shock that brought back my love and enjoyment of drumming.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I’ve had loss of a parent, several pets, and divorce/betrayal. I’ve gotten back the general feeling for drums again—that vanished for a couple of years—but I still struggle with actually getting behind the kit and trying to play.

Several of you mentioned time does heal, and I have discovered this to be painfully true—you just have to sit through the pain sometimes until the inner clouds dissipate.

I don’t have the gusto or bravery to attempt any jam sessions. The jazz jam sessions I’ve attended in the past were brutal—not a welcoming/forgiving crowd.

Thanks for the feedback, folks. Much appreciated!
 
Last edited:
The only thing that has caused breaks in drumming are things like lack of time, lack of a practice space or just getting bored with it. Big "emotional" events don't really come into play. It's always something else.
 
Along with the loss of a parent I was dealing with possible financial ruin. It was a period of heavy alcahol use and loss of sleep for nearly a month. I was a physical wreck. The bad thing is is that I couldn't stop playing. Being booked rather heavily I'd have had to find a replacement so I just went through it like a zombie. Not playing at all would have been so much better during this time. I remember reading about Steve Gadd losing his mother which was of course devastating yet he somehow played phenominally through it all to everyone's amazement.
 
Everyone's grief process is uniquely their own. However, I have always used drumming/music as my way past things. Divorce? Breakup? Family Loss? 9/11? I've dealt with all of it. In fact, my dad passed away in 2019, and while making funeral arrangements I recall getting nervous that I'd have to cancel a gig later that week. I'm lucky that it presents the power that it does.

"Play music, because everything else bites." - me



Dan
 
I got an middle ear infection 3 gigs into a 21 day run of gigs. On the fourth gig all I could hear when we played was the sound of fingers moving on wound strings and the vocals sounding rather banshee-like, I made it thru that run playing the songs from memory and couldn't really tell if I was playing well. I was depressed and even quit my daily hour of practice, moving at the same time meant no band. A change of scene, ears dried out and another opportunity to play turned things around.
 
Things happen to me sometimes but the sadness goes away after hours or days. I may not play drums for a day or two. Then I pick up some drum sticks and practice on a pad or furniture. I'm in bands, my friends call and want to jam. The social activity of jamming really helps me to focus on the future and leave the past behind.
 
Mostly not, music is the thing that fixes problems, for me. That not working would be a sign of real clinical depression to me, and that would be time to seek professional help, possibly.

Maybe once when someone was shot a couple of houses down from me, when I was home. It was shocking because it was a lot louder than I would have expected it to be, and there was concern about more fallout violence from that, and I didn't play for a couple of days. I think my wife and I actually left town for a few days after that.
 
No. Drumming is therapeutic and music heals. YMMV.
 
I haven't had a personal experience, but I've watched it first-hand with AL. He got the news in the afternoon before a show that both of his parents had died. In fact, I got the phone call, he was away from his phone. I handed him the phone, and when he finished he explained what had happened. I asked, what do you want to do? He said don't tell anyone yet, we'll do the show as planned.

The show did indeed go on, only the tour manager and I knew. He did great, even at the end where he had to sing "He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye..."

I don't think I could have held up, I still tear up when I tell the story.
 
Yep. Got divorced about a year and a half ago. I didn’t initiate it but ironically, I have come to realize just how miserable I was in that marriage. This isn’t me trying to rationalize my situation. I am truly so much happier. But it took me a while to realize it. And what helped me adjust was playing my drums when I felt like it. So, my advice is ……. Play your drums!
 
Only things that have disrupted the enjoyment were physical injuries. The chain snapped on my bike and threw me over the handlebars which tore every muscle along my right collar bone which made drumming very uncomfortable at times between the age of 18-20. Had minor surgery on my right foot in 2014 that left me with a stitch in the webbing of my second toe. Had to play gig with a slipper on my right foot and hope the stitch didn't break.

In terms of personal loss drums helped massively. After I lost my mom I re-wrapped my Ludwig in black oyster to take my mind of things and it really helped
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top