Drums and the Significant Other

Mine was never really supportive or unsupportive. But she didn’t have a problem when she came home from work 4 years ago and found my kit set up after not seeing it since the birth of our first child ( 24 years ago). And she actually said go ahead and get it when I found a tama bb kit in March . So I guess somewhat supportive . She’s not a fan of my music really ( Rock , hard rock Blues, and metal ) but I’m gonna experiment and play some of her favorite pop and country songs and see what transpires . I don’t mind some of her music but I just don’t play it . We see ??‍♂️
 
I'm at a place in my life where I was able to pay cash for my kit, and have a room that is isolated from the rest of the house where nothing can be heard.
There is acres of land between myself and my neighbors. I am blessed.
The only problem is catching my wife on the kit. She is practicing paradiddles, and picking them up pretty quick.
If she passes me up. I'm selling!:cool:
 
My then-girlfriend/now-wife was the one who encouraged me to join my college band shortly after we started dating 30 years ago. There have been long—long—periods when I wasn't able to play. When we finally moved into a house where i could once again have a kit, she was the one pushing me to do so.

The first time I set it up and starting playing, she came down and sat on the stairs and watched. When I stopped, she clapped and said, "my boyfriend!"
 
Overall, I have to yes that the love of my life has been supportive. However, there have been some times when she did not like my buying gear. Peace and goodwill.
 
That’s cheating and not what I had in mind ?.....?
Lol yeah I did that on purpose! Use your imagination.

With a wife and three daughters , I know how that goes . I’m tripping over the damn things left and right and feel like I’m drowning in shoes ?
I bought a shoe rack and make sure they know we have one. I only have one daughter.
 
At first I didn’t think my wife was supportive. “Where will you put the drums? What about the noise?” So I got an e-kit, which lasted a little while. But when she realized I was really into it, she got me drum lessons. And she came to see me at my first ever, real gig with my band. That day, just before I left to go early and set up, she gave me a written card, telling me how impressed she was that I wasn’t nervous, and how proud of me she was. I still tear up thinking about it. I’m very lucky.
 
No. And she dose not like to watch bands make music.

.

Maybe I gave the wrong answer. My wife allows me to play. If she had her way I would not be a drummer.
But she does put up with it. So is that considered supportive?

.
 
My wife and I are both 31, we have been together as a 'couple' since we were 13, have lived together since we were 21, and got married at 24, we both know nothing besides each other both as functioning adults and romantically. I've been playing drums since I was 11 and we met during a gig my first ever band was playing at a local underage club a few months into us beginning to play live shows. This always has been and always will be a part of me, she knows that and is fine with that. As long as I keep a job and make time for her I can do whatever I want musically. When we bought our first house she gave me a whole bedroom to keep my drums in and turn into a 'man cave' so I tried to meet her half way and let her do whatever she wants with our bedroom (hell, I just sleep in there lol). Compromise is the key to happiness here, you have to be respectful of each other in everything... Not just drums.

I won't lie, I've 'hid' a small purchase or two over the years (haven't we all?). But I'm not talking a $2k new kit, I'm talking like a set of heads for an experiment or one cymbal. This was always while fully employed and paid well ahead on all bills. As for big purchases she laid out what I find to be very reasonable ground work: you can buy whatever you want as long as it's replacing something or something goes out in it's place. I've always been a minimalist and am far from a gear hoarder, if it doesn't get hit with a stick every time I play I don't keep it, so this is fine with me.

She doesn't come to every gig but she comes to most and is always supportive of me being in live bands rehearsing, gigging, recording, etc.
 
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. . . if it doesn't get hit with a stick every time I play I don't keep it . . .

Likewise. My only piece of "backup" equipment is a second snare drum, and my two snares are identical aside from their finishes. "But what if something breaks?" I've been asked. That's never been a problem for me, but were it to occur, a replacement is easy enough to come by in a day or so. It's not something I worry about.
 
I wonder if it's a question only for men.. hard to imagine the problem in reverse. Would you mind the wife buying cymbals (for herself) instead of shoes?

My SO is very supportive, but the real support is that we don't need any, can just do whatever.
 
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I wonder if it's a question only for men.. hard to imagine the problem in reverse. Would you mind the wife buying cymbals (for herself) instead of shoes?
I didnt really intend it that way. If my wife wanted something musical I'd get it for her. So far she doesnt play violin and bass lol.
 
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