Band Etiquette (Stand in Drummer) Opinions Please?

mikyok

Platinum Member
It's just business.
This!

Nothing to worry about at all. We are all disposable assets at the end of the day.

If there's a gig I can't play I'll always say to the rest of the guys to get a dep and they're exactly the same and I've helped to find my own dep. You don't stop the rest of the band earning good money if you're busy, but we're totally cool like that.

If it's an original gig that's a completely different thing and ignore everything I've said. I'd want to know what was going on.

Either way a simple "OK, if you can't do the gig we're going to get a dep in because...XYZ" would have been the cool thing to do.
 

Tony_H

Active Member
Hi All,

Thanks for taking the time to read my post - looking for your opinions / perspectives...

Ive been playing in a band for the past 3 years, gigging regularly and jamming twice a week.
The band recently got offered a gig which I couldnt do due to other commitments...
Ive since found out that the singer has accepted to gig offer and has found a drummer to stand in during my absence.
None of this was communicated with me, and its left me feeling annoyed ..I understand that some gig offers are too good to turn down money wise, but feels like the least he could have done is kept me in the loop and told me what was going on, instead I found out by a third party which seems a bit crappy consdering the commitment ive shown to the band since joining 3 years ago.

Am keen to hear your feedback and opinions - What would you do? How would you react? Am I justified? Or am i taking it a little too seriously...

Thanks for reading folks..hope to hear from you soon!

N
I think communication in a steady band situation is very important. Our band has an understanding that if any of us have a weekend "blocked" and a very good opportunity comes along, the band member gets first choice to take it. For instance, if I block a weekend and we get a potential gig, I am asked first if I can change my plans, or should we ask "so and so" (our first call fill-in drummer). If I pass on it they will ask them for availability and book or not book the show accordingly.

Playing devil's advocate, maybe the singer just overlooked the possibility that you would want to be included in the conversation. I would bring it up with the band and set a standard that even if you can't do the show, you would still want to be included in the overall band communication about all shows.

This is a little off-topic, but I think it does help support the communication issue: We use Discord and opened a private band server where all of our communication on all things band related (and off topic) occur. This helps ensure everyone is kept in the loop and we have separate channels for show dates, future song recommendations, etc...
 

mikyok

Platinum Member
This is a little off-topic, but I think it does help support the communication issue: We use Discord and opened a private band server where all of our communication on all things band related (and off topic) occur. This helps ensure everyone is kept in the loop and we have separate channels for show dates, future song recommendations, etc...
Whatsapp or Messenger is a godsend for this. This is exactly how we do things.

Even if we have a gig with a dep I'll set up a chat with everyone on the gig in it and everyone chimes in.

I suppose you need to be lucky and be in a band where there's no egos or self-appointed leaders for this to work. Band politics can get messy.
 

KEEF

Senior Member
If I've ever not been able to make a gig I find my own dep and organise the rehearsals they need to get up to speed.
If I didn't sort it the gig would get cancelled and the bands reputation would suffer thus hampering the ability to get gigs in the future.
Your crew should have been open and honest about it - thats just respect between compadres.
 

Winston_Wolf

Platinum Member
I totally believe that the rest of the band should have at least mentioned getting a sub, especially since you might have been able to recommend someone and saved the hassle of looking for someone else.

That said, I wonder if how you cancelled/why you cancelled played a part in the rest of the band's decision to not include you in finding a replacement.
 

Otto

Platinum Member
Keep in mind these are not people you can rely on.
 

Woolwich

Silver Member
That said, I wonder if how you cancelled/why you cancelled played a part in the rest of the band's decision to not include you in finding a replacement.

Reading the original post I don't think Nick cancelled but had a commitment already pencilled in on the band diary, I alluded in an earlier post that in my band if someone has a date blocked out then we don't book anything on that date.
Yes, if someone WAS cancelling pre booked gigs for trivial reasons I can see why a band would implement a Plan B.
 

Mediocrefunkybeat

Platinum Member
I'd be pretty cross that they didn't tell me. In fact, I'd be furious.

If I couldn't make a gig and they found a stand-in and told me, I wouldn't have a problem with that. Not telling you is the issue here. If I'm being kind it may have been because they didn't want to upset you - but these things have a way of getting out anyway and you found out anyway! Better off just being up front about it and telling you. Or better still, asking for a recommendation as others have said.

I've had this happen to me and then I was quietly dropped by the band because they didn't have the balls to tell me. Ten years on and I still think they're a bunch of pricks...
 

Tony_H

Active Member
Reading the original post I don't think Nick cancelled but had a commitment already pencilled in on the band diary, I alluded in an earlier post that in my band if someone has a date blocked out then we don't book anything on that date.
Yes, if someone WAS cancelling pre booked gigs for trivial reasons I can see why a band would implement a Plan B.
We coordinate in a similar way, but we always ask the person who has the date blocked if they are willing to play (no pressure of course). If it's a venue we have a good reputation with and play frequently, we most likely turn down that gig.

But if it's a new opportunity that may lead to more opportunities and said person still can't make it, we all agree that finding a fill-in is appropriate. But it's all well communicated, which I think was the issue in the OP?
 

Winston_Wolf

Platinum Member
Reading the original post I don't think Nick cancelled but had a commitment already pencilled in on the band diary, I alluded in an earlier post that in my band if someone has a date blocked out then we don't book anything on that date.
Yes, if someone WAS cancelling pre booked gigs for trivial reasons I can see why a band would implement a Plan B.

Poor choice of words on my part. Conflict, not cancelled.

The point I was intending to make is perhaps the others in the band felt a particular way about the reason why there was a conflict, and acted (to them) accordingly.

I've worked with folks in the past that had...weak or vague reasons why they couldn't make a gig, and that experience popped into my head. I have no insight into THIS situation, I was just thinking out loud...
 

mattmc3287

Active Member
1. They should have communicated with you.
2. It's very possibly just an oversight. Some people are just naturally less considerate and don't think about those kinds of things.
3. You need to communicate to them that this bothers you so that if the situation arises again (which it likely will), everyone will be on the same page about how to proceed.
 

Cmdr. Ross

Silver Member
Things like that don’t bother me so much. I half expect bands to get someone else if I can’t make a gig.
This.
I'm not at the level of Motley Crue or other such success. If I can't make it, get one who can. And if I'm flakey, I'm fired.
Welcome to the world of the bar-bashing drummer.
 

WuHan Solo

Active Member
Not enough info yet, so rather than dole out the same opinion/advice that's been repeated throughout this thread (which I completely agree with), instead I'll ask: Was this prior commitment of yours something that could be easily rescheduled?
I ask because at one time I was in a band who's guitarist's girlfriend always had something "planned" on the night of practice, or upcoming gigs. Things like "grocery shopping", "date night", "movie night", "dinner with another couple" you know, shit that could happen the day before or after, but noooooo.........
He got replaced.

I'm not saying you're in the wrong, (again, I don't know the situation), but priorities can greatly differ among band mates. And, there are usually 3 sides to every story: Yours, theirs, and the truth.
 

BruceW

Senior Member
I think you're absolutely in the right to feel upset at the way it was handled. Not including you in the process and decision just sucks.

That having been said, if I couldn't do a gig and the gang still wanted to do it, I'd have no problem with them getting someone to fill in. Of course, they would ask me first, and I'd probably be kicking them in the backside to do it.
 

Bo Eder

Platinum Member
I chalk this one up to “social awkwardness being worked through by young musicians in a band”. People learn different things as they grow up and in the process they learn what works and what doesn’t. Perhaps dropping the hint that “it would have been nice to have been notified” about their plans might push them towards social maturity quicker without resorting to violence. Communication is always the key in situations like this - your band mates probably feel this is obvious but someone just dropped the ball on how to deal with it
 
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