Band Etiquette (Stand in Drummer) Opinions Please?

Nick_Dee1982

New Member
Hi All,

Thanks for taking the time to read my post - looking for your opinions / perspectives...

Ive been playing in a band for the past 3 years, gigging regularly and jamming twice a week.
The band recently got offered a gig which I couldnt do due to other commitments...
Ive since found out that the singer has accepted to gig offer and has found a drummer to stand in during my absence.
None of this was communicated with me, and its left me feeling annoyed ..I understand that some gig offers are too good to turn down money wise, but feels like the least he could have done is kept me in the loop and told me what was going on, instead I found out by a third party which seems a bit crappy consdering the commitment ive shown to the band since joining 3 years ago.

Am keen to hear your feedback and opinions - What would you do? How would you react? Am I justified? Or am i taking it a little too seriously...

Thanks for reading folks..hope to hear from you soon!

N
 

Al Strange

Platinum Member
If you’ve been smashing this gig for 3 years and know the guys well, it’s bound to feel a little off that you weren’t kept in the loop. Usually when you’re in a band for that long the contingencies for when a band member is unavailable are well known. Are deps brought in when the other guys are unavailable? If so, I wouldn’t worry so much…:)(y)
 

Nick_Dee1982

New Member
I think they should have kept you in the loop. It shows a lack of regard.
Yes, if it is an important gig I have no problem with a dep being put in.
Thanks Chris - I feel the same - Keeping me in the loop would have been common courtesy, and takes no effort... I think this gig is a big payer - so with that in mind i have zero problems with a stand in, just would have been nice to have been told directly...
Thanks again Chris - Your'e a noble and cooley guy aren't you?
 

Nick_Dee1982

New Member
If you’ve been smashing this gig for 3 years and know the guys well, it’s bound to feel a little off that you weren’t kept in the loop. Usually when you’re in a band for that long the contingencies for when a band member is unavailable are well known. Are deps brought in when the other guys are unavailable? If so, I wouldn’t worry so much…:)(y)
Thanks Al - I agree - It does feel a bit crappy that wasnt kept in the loop... I know this gig is brining in a good fee so with that in mind Ive zero issue with a stand in, but would have been nice to have the heads up! Yeah we've had one or two instances where Guitarist and Bass player got covid etc so we found stand ins, but this was all communicated and nobody was in the dark... I dunno..maybe Im taking it all a little too seriously.. but something is telling me that a text message would have taken very little effort, and i surely deserve that much?!
Thanks Again :)
N
 

Woolwich

Silver Member
I'd be furious. Whether or not I'd tell them to get lost and leave the band I don't know, I'd need to actually be in the situation to see how I feel. However to replace you without even telling you is an incredibly rude, thoughtless, nasty way to go about things and I wouldn't want to be associated with that.
The caveat is if you're a function band or similiar that draws on a rolling membership of a dozen or more affiliated members and the guys who aren't gigging that night ease in and out of the lineup. However it sounds like you're a covers band and my personal experience of covers bands is that if a date isn't available in the diary we don't book a gig, if someone falls ill or otherwise becomes unexpectedly unavailable we cancel. We've done this, it doesn't burn bridges, there's more bands than gigs in my area and as long as things are handled with decency (such as helping to find a replacement band) there's zero impact on the band's reputation. In my situation I value my relationships and integrity over the £60 a couple of times a month I lose out on by not gigging. Conversely if I was on a grand every week playing to weddings and corporate then I'd not just accept dep use I'd exploit it myself.

I know we all have different needs and motivations but as a ballpark how highly paid is the gig? My interest is piqued as to how much extra each member is being paid to warrant leaving you behind, it's not just the singer who cut you out of the loop.
 

Huw Owens

Active Member
I can’t think of a good reason why they couldn’t have let you know. I think they should have done.

I don’t know the interpersonal relationships, so I can’t say whether this is sinister or just stupid on their part. If I were you I would ask, gently & politely, why they didn’t let you know, and make sure they understand that it isn’t getting a dep you object to, just the lack of communication,

:)
 

BobC

Member
I can’t think of a good reason why they couldn’t have let you know. I think they should have done.

I don’t know the interpersonal relationships, so I can’t say whether this is sinister or just stupid on their part. If I were you I would ask, gently & politely, why they didn’t let you know, and make sure they understand that it isn’t getting a dep you object to, just the lack of communication,

:)
This. Letting you know ahead of time would have been the right thing to do.
 

C. Dave Run

Gold Member
I think my reaction would be based on the band and overall seriousness of the band.

If it's a cover band just for fun to make some extra cash, no big deal. It's like getting a fill in left fielder* for a company softball game. No one cares.

If it's an original band, I'd be both pissed and worried. That means a fill in drummer knows your parts. How long have they been rehearsing without you? Is this actually your replacement?

*its just an example. I'm not comparing us to left fielders.
 

Totigerus

Active Member
It's close to impossible to definitively give you an answer. I would need to know all the ins and outs of your personal and professional relationships with all the members.
I would just text the singer and ask if he got a fill-in yet.
He doesnt need to know that you found out from some third party.
His answer will give you loads of insight into your next move.
My guess is he's just an air head that forgot to tell you. After all, he's got a lot on his plate right now. He's breaking in a new drummer. 😁
 

JoeVermont

Active Member
It's happened to me... It kind of sucks but I'm happy the group still gets to book the gig. Most importantly, my chair was still waiting for me when I got back from vacation. In your case your band should have kept you in the loop. We've also brought in sub bass and guitar players on occasion, too. In all cases we always let all band members - and the venue - know what's going on.
 

PorkPieGuy

Platinum Member
I really don't know what your band dynamic is and what your relationships are like with the other members.

If it were me, and I absolutely couldn't make a show, I would be in full support of the band finding a sub because I wish all the guys in my band well! Heck, I would do my best to help them find someone, and I'd be happy to help talk them through various parts, etc.

The fact that they didn't tell you should be a flag in my book.
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry" - Administrator
Staff member
The fact that you weren't informed...I can't help thinking that just maybe, perhaps....they are considering another guy. That's what I would be thinking if the same thing happened to me.

What's the big secret all about?
 
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