A first for me, quitting one of my bands

Larry

"Uncle Larry"
I've never done this before. I'd like to quit and not burn bridges. Any advise? We have no gigs booked, so it's not like I'm leaving Paul high and dry.
 
I've never done this before. I'd like to quit and not burn bridges. Any advise? We have no gigs booked, so it's not like I'm leaving Paul high and dry.

I have quit every band I've been in, apart from the current one, of course :) I left my first regularly gigging band because I wanted to play a different style of music. The bassist was very pissed off. I remember being called a "psychopath" which I thought was rather over the top LOL. The others were more relaxed. The band broke up afterwards, which was a shame.

I quit another band because they planned to go touring and I didn't believe we had the organisational structure to make it viable (ie. pie-in-the-sky) and knew that if I quit work to tour I'd end up poor and struggle to find another job (unqualified). The main driver for touring, our singer, would always be fine because he was already on the dole and augmenting his income with black market activity.

Another time, some people in a fun band wanted to go serious and I didn't want to be serious about it. No bridges burnt, they understood.

I keep thinking of relationships. The basic principle, of course, is "It's not you, it's me" :) Ideally, you'd tell them that you like them but you want to focus more on your main band. However, the "it's not you, it's me" might be hard to pull off given the recent friction, though.

I think the only way not to burn bridges would be to apologise to Paul for the harshness of the tone of your email to him, but even that might not guarantee good relations in the short to medium term. It might, however, open the door for good relations to resume after the dust settles. Thing is, no matter what your main reasons are, it would be hard for Paul and the others not to believe you're quitting due to his stage comments.

I guess sometimes we just gotta do what we gotta do, even if the odd bridge is burnt. It's not ideal, but what in life is?

Of course, there's also the option of trying to mend relationships and staying with them, which doesn't seem too rough, given that they don't gig a lot. Good luck either way!
 
Well, musicians quit bands all the time. You say that this band has no gigs so what's not to quit? I've quit many a project once I saw that it wasn't going anywhere, and I always turned out to be right. Why waste your time on something that's never going to get off the ground? Your only responsibility is to yourself and your career.
 
Tell them the truth as to why you want to leave, wish them the best, and move on.
 
I just did my last gig with that band today (Saturday) It was minus our stellar guitarist. So it was a trio, w/ Paul, me and a bass player that is in one of my other bands. It really showed me how much the guitarist just makes this band.

I'm not apologizing for anything because I'm not sorry for anything, I meant every word. He was thrilled I showed up, he thought I was gonna bail w/o saying anything. (I would never do that to anyone) I didn't say a word about anything when I got there, because I said my piece. Besides, we had a gig to do. We did the gig as best we could w/o Dave and that's that.

So what do you think, is an email too impersonal? Phone call perhaps?. He lives like 90 minutes away.
 
IMO, the communication needs to be with all band members; you aren't quitting the frontman, you're quitting the band. I like to make that sort of announcement in person, as uncomfortable as it may be; it seems less cold and impersonal and usually leaves less open to interpretation. The only sort of transaction of this kind I have done by phone is turning down a gig.

Good luck, and I hope it goes well for you.
 
I have always felt that it was best to have that conversation in person. Just to ensure
that there was no underlying tone or agenda as to the decision to part ways. Too many times I have been on the other end of that situation, and I kind of felt that it was a gutless
move to receive that information in an e-mail or a phone call. It's easier to pick up on a persons intentions through the tone of their voice on the phone, but without a face to face with all the members in the band...wrong conclusions can be drawn and personal differences can easily be turned into inflamed egos and finger pointing to assign blame to a single party.
Especially if the person is somewhat ego-maniacal, he could use that as an advantage to turn the others members sour towards you.

I think that it would be worth the drive for me just to keep my self respect. Whether they appreciate the effort or not. I have actually helped some of the groups find a new drummer.

Not trying to push my opinion on your particular situation, but just to illustrate how I would
prefer to be treated if I was the one asked to leave.

I hope this was helpful.
Good Luck
 
I've never done this before. I'd like to quit and not burn bridges. Any advise? We have no gigs booked, so it's not like I'm leaving Paul high and dry.

This is from the "Professionalism" chapter in the Drummer's Handbook (a book that should be written):
  1. Take the high road
  2. Be honest
  3. Discuss the problem with your group face to face (set a time limit for this meeting if you think it will get ugly; e.g. "I will be getting picked up in 1 hour"). This will mean more to them because they live 90 minutes away yet you took the time to talk to them face to face.
Good luck

GJS
 
IMO, the communication needs to be with all band members; you aren't quitting the frontman, you're quitting the band. I like to make that sort of announcement in person, as uncomfortable as it may be; it seems less cold and impersonal and usually leaves less open to interpretation. The only sort of transaction of this kind I have done by phone is turning down a gig.

Good luck, and I hope it goes well for you.

Followed this saga on your other thread...had to jump in. Agree with this post. Face to face is the best option. I've had to do it on a couple of occasions. Was dreading it each time. Just sucked it up, delivered the news and it never turned out being as bad as I thought it would be. I still see one or two of those guys to this day.

Best of luck.
 
Our stellar guitarist, Dave, already knows my intentions. We may start another project him and I because we feel similar about Paul.

The bass player really doesn't care too much one way or the other, sometimes I think the 2 bands I'm in with him (one now) are kinda a pain for him. He's not improved one 1 iota in the 5 years I've been playing with him, he has noticeably sloppy meter, and plays with about 1% confidence, like he's scared to touch the strings. Plus he's forgetful, always late, makes a ton of mistakes (some of which take him like a whole measure to recover, ugh, in blues, not too complicated stuff...) zero stage presence and doesn't contribute much at all. (vocals, song ideas, arrangements, booking etc)

I could overlook all theses things if he was a solid bass player. What a nice guy though, just a crappy bass player.

The problem with the face to face is I am so busy this week with work that I know I won't be able to drive 90 minutes to deliver the news, and I want to let him know before he books anything else....dilemma....
 
The problem with the face to face is I am so busy this week with work that I know I won't be able to drive 90 minutes to deliver the news, and I want to let him know before he books anything else....dilemma....

I'd get this over and done with by telephone. Not as good as face to face but a lot better than email. Email is the last resort I think. Call them both and start the conversation by saying you'd really prefer to meet face to face but can't because of work commitments and thought it would be best to call asap before they book another gig. That sits in the honorable zone for me. Good luck with your new venture and a fresh horizon with a bass player you can connect with.
 
Thanks for all the help guys, I didn't want to make a move without first conferring with all my colleauges here. You guys are SUCH an incredible resource.
 
This just in, Paul fired us all! Woo Hoo! Now I don't have to quit!
They say when one door closes, another opens. Wouldn't you know that I got offered a gig w/ a regularly working band today? It's a classic rock outfit w/ good musicians that has more gigs than I can likely do, so I had to pass, but I'm gonna learn their stuff anyway and do at least a gig or 2 w/ them until they find someone. Here's the pink slip: notice from Paul:


[/B]“We had so many good time
and some bad.
We shared real happiness
and shared the sad”


Nearly two decades ago I decided that I wanted to form a band and stop doing the solo coffee house work I’d been doing for a few years. It just wasn’t enough. It wasn’t what I “heard”.
I didn’t know anybody in the music scene around Phillie but did have musician friends that I met on line who all lived in Conecticut. I went up there many, many times at considerable expense and jammed with them, found a great drummer and a damn good guitarist and with the addition of a young bassist the guitarist knew I formed The CT Recruits.
There were many rehearsals that I drove 6 hours one way to keep but it was worth it. These guys were a good band and I learned a lot from them - especially the guitar player - who helped me focus on getting close to what I wanted to hear. Importantly to me, they all seemed to get the idea that this was now my art form and joined me in attempting to become part of that. They knew I had given up a career in fine and commercial art years before but was still desperate to create something.
It was all too much travelling though. We did one gig at Steel City, and although they were quite willing to play for a loss the distance between us was our downfall.
I started going to jams around here - and well, you know the rest pretty much - Leo, Stuart, Kenny, Spike, sit-ins by Julia, guests appearances with The Recruits to enhance the audience experience, Gene and his arranging skills and, of course, you guys, including two gracious players and friends, Dave and Dick hanging in there the longest, and finally Larry who grew like a tree in our small woods. All the times we played together, with all these other folks and with you were great experiences which I will always cherish and frequently think back upon.

This is the difficult part, partailly spurned on by recent incidents, for which I am somewhat responsible, and a well deserved wake up call. But, really, more accurately caused by my age and my artistic need to grow and change, even if that growth is impeceptable and/or seems unnecessary to those I most care about.

I’ve decided after much consideration, thoughts that began long before our last Steel City performance, that it is time to dissolve Paul Michael and The Blues Recruits as they now exist.
This decision has little to do with any of your abilities, which are for the most part formidable. This has to do with what I feel I need inside and also, frankly has much to do with the time I have left as a player - which is already not as much time as I think I’ll need to be where I want to be musically.

I’m very reluctant to present this news in an Email. I had intended to do it today after the BBQ gig but circumstances (mostly our need to quickly depart and the fact that Dave was not present) prevented me from addressing you all personally, face to face. I apologize for laying this down this way but I don’t think it’s fair to anybody to continue wordlessly any longer.

Thank you Dave, Dick and Larry for your wonderfuul contributions (and friendship) in making “our” Blues Recruits the hot band that it was. It has been an honor to work with you. I truly hope that something clicks so that we get to work together again, especially if I get the $$ together to do the studio work I really need to do to complete this venture into music.

I sincerely hope I have adequately described my feelings in order for you all to understand the depths of the desire I feel which allows no other course to follow but to make this difficult decision.

With all my deepest regards and highest admiration and thanks,
-P- [/B]
 
Hey Larry,

Well, time to move on, cherish the moments that band gave you, and get yourself in a better band that will dwarf the old one.

Funny thing about being a musician--doors may slam in your face all the time, and the next thing you know, you move upwards and onwards, never knowing in advance that had you stayed in the previous band, the killer new one would have not had a chance to present itself to you.

Works for me...

Rock forever,
C. P.
 
Phew!! That was close. I must observe though, given his slightly ignorant stage behaviour, he composed an eloquent wind up email.

Good luck on your new journey Larry. Good drummers are always in demand and they don't come much better than you from what I've heard of your stuff.
 
As you said, Paul's a nice guy and, as per KIS's comment, his Dear Johns letter was great.

Given how good your main band is, you're still in a good musical position.
 
I'm glad I waited to get everyone's input before I quit, it saved me the dilemma.
 
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