What do you say when....

You gotta forgive those types.

I disagree old mate. We don't gotta do anything of the sort.

A dick is a dick......whether their limited perspective allows them to see that or not, doesn't change anything. And if they're a dick and content to continue to act as such, then they can be treated accordingly. Bugger 'em. I have no intention of tip toeing around idiots who are too clueless to know when they are out of their depth or beyond their scope.

If they're never called to account for their words or actions, then it only validates their stupidity further.

Maybe I'm being harsh......don't know. I just know that I get tired of a world where every halfwit with an opinion born from misinformation or inexperience, thinks it's valid. In real life, every player does not win a prize.....and all opinions are not created equal. :)
 
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Before scrolling through all of the posts, I was going to say show me.
 
I disagree old mate. We don't gotta do anything of the sort.

A dick is a dick......whether their limited perspective allows them to see that or not, doesn't change anything. And if they're a dick and content to continue to act as such, then they can be treated accordingly. Bugger 'em. I have no intention of tip toeing around idiots who are too clueless to know when they are out of their depth or beyond their scope.

If they're never called to account for their words or actions, then it only validates their stupidity further.

Maybe I'm being harsh......don't know. I just know that I get tired of a world where every halfwit with an opinion born from misinformation or inexperience, thinks it's valid. In real life, every player does not win a prize.....and all opinions are not created equal. :)

I have to agree Jules.I grew up on the streets in Brooklyn,where I didn't look for trouble,but when you live in that kind of neighborhood......trouble finds you.

You try to talk your way out,but,you also have to be willing to do what it takes to survive also,and turning the other cheek,and forgiving the guy who just slapped you, in front of the whole neighborhood.......is NOT an option.I may lose,but you're going to know,you've been in a fight.

What I have found in growing up during those years, and during my law enforcement career is,usually people get that way,because nobody challenged them,whether it be physically,or mentally...a bully is a bully,and I hate bullies.I made a career out of kicking a bullys ass.

Just because were talking about within the context of a church service,dosen't mean that there aren't bullies,or back stabbers around.Having been seriously involved with my church for over 20 years( I no longer participate),I saw my share of bullies,and back stabbers,who under the banner of,"I was just doing it for the betterment of the congregation",play their mind games.

These people need to be shut down,and not be allowed to take advantage of the weak,and shown the door on occasion.There's a saying "the weak are the meat,and the strong do eat" .By the way,no one ever said to" turn the other cheek".

Like I said,a bully is a bully,and if they are left alone and tollerated,left to play their mind games,they will,and it's sometimes even more hurtfull,then just punching someone in the face.

Thats why I'll challenge a bully,no matter if it's physical or mental.Street,church ...it dosen't matter.My boot will be on their neck,so it's will never again happen to me,and it will give them pause in thinking about doing it to someone else.

Steve B
 
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Does Rouge feel this guy is bullying him? Or was he just some guy with wacky opinions? Bullys are one thing, but someone who thinks they are being helpful, no matter how skewed their opinions may be....they don't deserve to be treated poorly.

People can choose to sink to other's level but I'd rather just let the offending person think what they like, and not force my values on them. If they said their opinions to me and I think they are an asshole, then I don't want to do the same to them, that would make me the asshole.

Now if a person is being a bully, that's different, but I didn't get that feeling here. I got the impression it was just another person thinking they are being helpful. I don't engage people like that, it does me no good. They are allowed to be wacky, and are entitled to their opinions, as long as they aren't being aggressive in some way.

I have a long fuse so it takes me a lot to get angry. Stupid people...I don't waste much thought on them. I steer clear of drama, except when it comes to someone being a hypocrite. For some reason, I cannot let that slide. I will call that out whenever I encounter it.
 
"Interesting, I've never heard that suggestion before"
would be my reply

Of course Socrates was not the smartest man within the Athenian community because he knew-it-all, but because he was aware of his own ignorance. Often people are caught up in the little they think they know, but are (unfortunately) completely ignorant to the vast amount of things they don't know.
 
No bullying. Not even close, just everyone's unwanted opinion, twisted or otherwise. I'm just also tired of the "it's just the band" mentality and those in charge not listening or having the opinion that they know what is best, even though they have no musical experience, or have never played in a band, etc.

One thing that continues to haunt me is someone thinks it's a good idea to divide up the rhythm section - drums, bass, lead on one side of the stage, and 2 rhythm guitars, piano, and keys on the other side of the stage with the all volunteer choir divided same. The reason we're divided - we have an enormous screen in the middle of the stage in the back, surrounded on either side by two mounted large screens. Plus all the goofy stage props on stage at any one time. Not religious, mind you, but someone's idea of secular art-deco "because it looks cool and takes up space on the stage and helps balance it out".

Funny thing, you take away all the goofy props on stage and on the walls, there is plenty of space on one side of the stage for the entire band, and plenty of space on the other for the entire choir.

My continued question is are we tryingt to put on a worship service here, or are we trying to put on a Broadway musical and have the stage balanced and perfect?
 
It's never happened to me while drumming but has certainly grinded my gears when it came to my taste in music. Just the other day I was talking about heavy metal and listen to some stuff with a friend of mine and someone said, "I hate screamo." All I could say was, "so do I." I feel some people are so ignorant when it comes to everything that goes into music, you know? Like they think they know drumming, or they know all about a specific genre of music that you could spend hours teaching them about.

But now I know what to say if someone confronts me on how I play haha.
 
Never had this happen to me, but I tend to take everything from the audience with a grain of salt.

People can do what they want, but I tend to take it easy on people who make silly comments. I had a drummer (with a few drinks in him) approach me after a gig last month to compliment me on my drums and tell me the band sounded good and was really tight. Then he started telling me which songs we should play, which covers to avoid, stuff like that. I just chatted him up while I packed up my gear. I didn't even bother to point out that I was only subbing and it wasn't even my band, or that we had played many of the tunes he was suggesting. I let him talk without really responding to anything he said, we shook hands and he walked away for the night.

Now, if someone is insulting or aggressive, that's a different story. But people like to talk, especially when they've been drinking. It kind of goes with the territory. At that same gig, a fight broke out. We play in bars, ya know? It is what it is. I'd go crazy if I let that type of thing bother me.
 
One incident sticks out in my mind of a real piece of work who was not only critical but downright impolite with me. I was playing a week-long stint in a popular Panama City Beach club with my band and one night this guy comes up to me between sets and starts telling me how bad I am and how much better a job he could do, basically berating me. I was floored. I couldn't believe someone could be such an ass. I'm no Dave Weckl but I generally play well enough.

I tried to ignore him but the next time he tried this crap I gestured to a bouncer who we had gotten really friendly with to get him the hell outta here. He kindly ;) escorted the douche out. The nerve of some people!
 
Never had this happen to me, but I tend to take everything from the audience with a grain of salt.

People can do what they want, but I tend to take it easy on people who make silly comments. I had a drummer (with a few drinks in him) approach me after a gig last month to compliment me on my drums and tell me the band sounded good and was really tight. Then he started telling me which songs we should play, which covers to avoid, stuff like that. I just chatted him up while I packed up my gear. I didn't even bother to point out that I was only subbing and it wasn't even my band, or that we had played many of the tunes he was suggesting. I let him talk without really responding to anything he said, we shook hands and he walked away for the night.

Now, if someone is insulting or aggressive, that's a different story. But people like to talk, especially when they've been drinking. It kind of goes with the territory. At that same gig, a fight broke out. We play in bars, ya know? It is what it is. I'd go crazy if I let that type of thing bother me.

I'm with you Lar. That's about my approach too.
 
What an odd thread. I've never received nothing but positive comments after a gig, or nothing at all. It could be that people don't say crap like that to me because they are afraid to piss me off. ha ha!

I do get a lot of constructive criticism from one of my guitar players. It pisses me off a little because nothing ever seems to be good enough for him. Rather than being able to sit back and play my drums with confidence, I am always being told to do more, use space more, and really listen to the music. I am told to use that hi-hat like an instrument, not just some time-keeping mechanism. I am told that I am lazy and I can't be a slouch sitting on a solid money beat with the occasional fill. The style of music we play requires me to do more creative stuff. I've always been a steady, pocket player, but his "lectures" are helping to push my playing to a new level of excellence. When excellence is achieve more and more often, it will become habit. I resist his lecturing a little, but I do listen and I feel it is my duty to the band to try to practice what he is preaching. Plus, I want to keep my job drumming in this band.
 
I played drums in church for 35+ years.
I have met that exact same person many times. And there was also the guy who believed drums were the devils music. And the fat lady who sat in the front row and complained the bass drum mic needed to be turned down, thankfully the sound guy obliged. Thing was, we had no mic on the bass drum, or any of the drums. But she was happy.
Getting into an altercation with a person like that is a complete waste of time, and will only serve to make you look like an asshat. I do guarantee if you pay attention to other areas of ministry, you will find that person butting in to other peoples functions and authority just as they did with you. That is a person to be avoided. The less social interaction you have with those kind, the more satisfying your own life will be. If it proves to be a continuing annoyance, speak to your music director, and possibly even your Pastor. Of course, depending on the structure of your local congregation that will dictate whom you should speak with. The thing you do not want to do is to begin discussing this with a whole bunch of other people.
 
Wear your earplugs at all times then you won't have to actually listen to any of these people.
 
No bullying. Not even close, just everyone's unwanted opinion, twisted or otherwise. I'm just also tired of the "it's just the band" mentality and those in charge not listening or having the opinion that they know what is best, even though they have no musical experience, or have never played in a band, etc.

One thing that continues to haunt me is someone thinks it's a good idea to divide up the rhythm section - drums, bass, lead on one side of the stage, and 2 rhythm guitars, piano, and keys on the other side of the stage with the all volunteer choir divided same. The reason we're divided - we have an enormous screen in the middle of the stage in the back, surrounded on either side by two mounted large screens. Plus all the goofy stage props on stage at any one time. Not religious, mind you, but someone's idea of secular art-deco "because it looks cool and takes up space on the stage and helps balance it out".

Funny thing, you take away all the goofy props on stage and on the walls, there is plenty of space on one side of the stage for the entire band, and plenty of space on the other for the entire choir.

My continued question is are we tryingt to put on a worship service here, or are we trying to put on a Broadway musical and have the stage balanced and perfect?

Sounds like your church has a leadership issue. You've got several people involved with the production, each one with competing interests, and the result is all of this hassle you have to go through. Your church leader ought to put ONE person in charge of the whole show - music, sound, and stage. You still might not like the result, but at least there ought to be some coordination. Anybody that has an idea or wants to change something talks to the director.
 
...And there was also the guy who believed drums were the devils music. And the fat lady who sat in the front row and complained the bass drum mic needed to be turned down, thankfully the sound guy obliged. Thing was, we had no mic on the bass drum, or any of the drums. But she was happy.
Getting into an altercation with a person like that is a complete waste of time, and will only serve to make you look like an asshat. I do guarantee if you pay attention to other areas of ministry, you will find that person butting in to other peoples functions and authority just as they did with you. That is a person to be avoided...

Does anyone knows this woman?

kua03_171.jpg



That is a person to be avoided...
 
Does anyone knows this woman?

kua03_171.jpg



That is a person to be avoided...

Yes. It's my mother. And I have turned into her :/

ETA: She is wearing white gloves, so she must be about to touch a drum kit ...
 
In keeping with my previous post....... the other side of the coin...

A person, or a group of people, do not need to know anything about the mechanics of music to know what they like to hear. In any given congregation you will have a vast cross section of people represented, each one with their own likes and dislikes in music. I think you probably already know this, and a couple of posts have already mentioned it.
I played with a couple of very active gospel groups for several years. With one of them, we were the home church worship team, and regularly played out at other churches, gospel get togethers where multiple groups were performing, and at non church venues performing gospel music. With the other, the majority of our performances were just our group in a non church gospel performance in sometimes very small venues, we played a lot of assisted living, retirement facilities. There were times I had people sitting within six feet of the drums.
I have been to churches where the congregation was a captive audience at the mercy of the worship team. Style was solely dictated by the worship leader without much regard to what a majority or even a minority of the congregation might prefer and their worship experience was affected by that disregard for the overall congregation.
Worship music is a strange animal, it can either enhance the worship experience or be the one part of the service worse than a boring sermon.
People who aren't really happy with the music feel frustrated, and aren't always very adept at expressing that frustration.
I remember something from the founder of Christianity about the inevitability of offenses being made. I also remember a warning about offending the least being something to be avoided. In a worship environment, there is never a good time to be offensive. It is a whole world of difference than playing other types of music or other types of venues.

In this situation, applying some of the dynamics of diplomacy in these kinds of interactions with congregation members will go far to making you a candidate for sainthood. It will also make you a person to be respected.
 
Thank you! Excellent advice here from those who have been there. I'm def going to use these posts to plan my strategy.

The wife is suggesting I tell the interim music director (the full time music director and pastor left a few weeks ago to accept a position at a larber church as an assistant) that I need to lay out again until at least the first of the year. Take a nice long break and several chill pills and come back in a few months and reevaluate where I'm at. Ashamed to say this, but I'm bitching about everything music related there on the car ride to the church on Sunday mornings. Not good. Good news is there are a few guys there my age and a bit older I can consult with that I trust.

Thanks again!
 
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