Sometimes you have to "quit" the band

Concrete Pete

Senior Member
Hey Crew,

My "L. C." band has been squirrely as heck lately--no communications, no rhyme and reason, not much cameraderie for a while.

So tonight I gave a list of "needs to get fixed' stuff to the band, (at practice) asked kindly if they would comply, or if they just needed a "new drummer", and then quietly left, saying nice and friendly "goodbyes" to all.

All hell broke loose later-- several calls from band members, member's wives, and so on--all asking me to "reconsider", and stay in the band.

I think now that I'll have a bit more say-so in the band, and hopefully will not have to finalize the departure from the group.

Ever feel like you need to "shake things up" to get the band you're in on-track?
Worked for me...

Cheers,
C. P.
 
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I always just left when I could see, in the famous words of Johnny Rotten, "nooo fuutuuure".

As a general rule it's best to try to tough out the hard times, although in hindsight all bar one of my departures was probably the right decision, maybe one of them made too late.

Pete, if you feel you're being taken for granted or the enthusiasm levels are not to your liking it makes sense to shake things up a bit. But talking about quitting uses up your biggest negotiation chip, so it needs to be a big issue that warrants using it. Maybe a grizzle or plea may have sufficed?

From what I've read, Loose Change has been going great guns and seems like a gig worth keeping unless things go way downhill over a fair period or you get a chance you can't pass up.

Or are you planning a career as a drum restorer instead? Might be more lucrative :)
 
I haven't been in the specific situation you're in. I have left a band because I saw no progress and no future for the band at that time.
I have noticed that, as a competent and experienced drummer, you can put some pressure on the band and work on your terms. Skilled drummers are hard to find, compared to good drummers good guitarists grow on trees.
But before this you first need to gain their trust, by being a friendly and accomodating bandmember.
 
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It's so difficult to comment when you're remote from the situation. I understand your frustration with lack of comminication, vibe, etc and seeking resolution. Only you know if it was worth the price. Yes, they'll probably listen to your opinion more than before but is that because they value your input or are they just treading carefully. You've established your value but is that at the cost of casting doubt over your reliability & commitment? I hope not. These things are never easy. Wishing you well & good luck.
 
Sometimes, if you are thinking about quittting, then you should. There could be underlying problems also with the ones on top. At least in my experience.
 
Hey crew,

Thanks for the support and input.

I hope this doesn't sound "manipulative" in any way, but what I did acheived pretty much all the ground I was looking to gain, brought the band a little closer together, and has opened up a brand new road, as far as communications are involved.
I didn't actually "quit" the band per se, just dropped the "I might be moving on" bomb, in a friendly, nonchalant way.

Just relying on human nature, it seems that most (if not all) people seem to discount what's important to them--until they are faced with losing it.
Case in point-- I always took my mobility for granted, and never gave much of a thought about handicapped persons--until I broke my back in '83, and was wheelchair bound for almost 6 months. I look at handicapped folks as "Superhuman" now, knowing that they are not just "challenged", they are actually superior to most folks in the respect that they have to develop new means and modes, rise above, and beyond what most folks have to do in our "normal" lives, just to carry on.

Hope no one else has to bring it to the mode that I did, but it worked, I'm happy, and I think the band gained new ground in the "communication development" department.

Cheers, all,
C. P.
 
Hey crew,

I'm happy, and I think the band gained new ground in the "communication development" department.

Cheers, all,
C. P.

Good decision Pete, if your band is doing good but getting stale then why not shake things up?... Never throw away something you really enjoy. It seems to me that you all get along and make good music together, so if you re happy and got their attention... and they re willing to put a little more effort into it then forge on my friend! As we all know(i think) it can be difficult dealing with other bandmates. I guess you did it right because you re still a band... Its like marrying a bunch of people and hoping they all get along.(recipe for disaster). So is the band meeting your standards? Have they realized they could lose alot by being complacent and giving up their backbone? By backbone I mean the one that holds everything together, you never know man, this issue can be the setting for your next song that really gets to people.... I do wish you and your band the best of luck and hope it all works out. Maybe put the mic between your hi-hats and use an amp for a bass drum LOL, they would just love that... but when you have to beg for enthusiasm, it gets kinda pointless ya know?
 
I would not do that again if I were you. It's a pretty distasteful move to hold the "I might quit on you guys" over your bands head. From what I read it sounds like all you did was create panic within the band. So it worked, but it sounds like it took a lot of bad tempers to get to a solution. I don't know how long you've been with the band, or how close you are to them. But bands go through slow periods, it's just natural sometimes you'll be really busy and productive, and other times you can go weeks without practice, or even communication.

I would suggest next time trying to openly talk about whatever issue it is you are having with the band. Things get resolved a lot quicker and easier if everyone knows how everyone else is feeling towards the band, and if they are all able to discuss in a civilized manner.
 
I would suggest next time trying to openly talk about whatever issue it is you are having with the band. Things get resolved a lot quicker and easier if everyone knows how everyone else is feeling towards the band, and if they are all able to discuss in a civilized manner.

Easier said than done...lol. But I agree.
 
Hey TNA,

Nope, far from it, my friend.

The problem was from NOT having any communication from the mates. When no one listens, and no one talks, that's bad for the entire band.

I have a creedo that "Without communication, there is no understanding" and it works in all aspects of my life. Music is one of the most important things in my life, and it makes me incredibly happy. I know it can't/won't always be a bed of roses, but I can't force myself to be in a situation that seemingly has no future due to lack of interest,dedication, or commitment from the other team players.

Cheers,
C. P.
 
Here's to greener musical pastures my friend.

clink!
 
I watched this thread with interest. Sometimes one needs to lay one's cards on the table. I think a drummer must be strong in a band.

Good on you Pete.
 
I agree w/ you Wy about drummers needing to be strong. But we also need to be wily too,

because from my experience, guitar players naturally think they are the

automatic "leaders" by default, and again just from my experiences (talking personalities

here) they generally don't like drummers that are "better" than them, in any way.

(definitely exceptions though)

I swear some of the best guitarists I know choose to have pretty bland drummers, behind

them and I believe it is so that they are percieved as the best musician onstage. So if you

are too good, you might have just accomplished yourself out of a gig. It's a fine balance of

being strong and understanding other peoples perspectives. Fragile egos and all that.
 
Hey Crew,

I'm officially OUT of the Loose Change Band as of tonight!

Man, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders...

I think everyone saw it coming, and no one really did anything to remedy any of the things that just weren't quite fitting together--I need a certain amount of respect and camaraderie to be in a band... it just wasn't there, and some things you just can't change. Oh, well...Time to move onward!

Cool thing is that I got called for an audition for a new band this coming Friday night. Should be a hoot, since I already jammed a few times with the guitarist/band leader a year or so ago, and we seemed to be spot on.

Life is good!

Cheers,
C. P.
 
Guitarists...wow. It is very true that they sometimes they think they are automatic leaders. I bet they wouldn't even notice if you tuned your bass drum differently or even if your using birch, maple, or mahagony. When I'm trying to talk to the bassist or the vocalist, they sometimes can't stop playing up and down the scale and I have to throw a stick at him just to get him to shut it. Sometimes it gets to the point where I have to unplug his amp. They always complain about how they need to be louder than the drums. Guitarists need to understand that drummers play in important role. We deliver the kick to the beat and we're sort of like "time masters". But still, me and my guitarists are best bro's. A band always has its ups and downs.
 
Wow Pete, you aren't mucking around. Get it wrong and KAPOW! Remind me to be nice to you :)

It sounded like Loose Change was a good gig - lots of gigs and going over a storm. Still, you know what's best for you. Good luck with the next crew.

Funny, people say how guitarists are bossy but I've never been told to do anything by guitarists in my bands. I've found them to me more unstable than dominating. Current guitarist is completely mellow - and stable! Must just be lucky, or maybe the pushy thing only applies to hard rock guitarists?
 
Hey Crew,

Pollyanna, it was a good "gig" as far as some of the places we played, and such. My biggest problem was not being able to have a say-so in anything, even minute details like getting playlists at LEAST a day in advance before a gig! It wasn't exactly a "kapow"- it has been coming on, and I did all I could to avoid it. I gotta follow my heart, my soul, and my instinct.

DrummerKid, I hear ya man--one of the things that rattled my nerves was I would be asking a question, or replying to a band member and "twanga-twanga-twanga" by the guitar player while I was trying to communicate--he'd even be looking me in the eye while doing so. Geesh.

I kinda feel like it even got to testing my mettle at the last rehearsal-- all of a sudden, a "pop" song was added (w/o my input) that is an extremely irreverent song to the point of mocking God. I tend to draw a big fat line on stuff like that--you can sucker punch me, pee on one of my Harleys, insult my entire family all the way back to the Mayflower, and I won't even blink, but don't insult my maker--that's my only "short fuse"...

Cheers,
Pete
 
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