Picking a wedding band as a musician = pain!

Diet Kirk

Silver Member
Anyone else found that as a musician picking your wedding band is a tough task?

First there is the pressure, everybody seems to assume that as a musician any band I pick will end up being the best wedding band they have ever seen = eek!

Second, style. I'm a rock and metal fan, my wife to be is an RnB, pop music, with a hint of rock fan. Just about the only genre we can agree on is that we both love the Treme TV show soundtracks and that old 1920s prohibition speakeasy style jive stuff. Strangely our first dance is planned to be the incubus track 'I miss you', where we are thinking of starting with the string quartet version and morphing into the original incubus track.

These last two years I've discovered a love for brass, so I'd really like a New Orleans marching style brass band, but one that would play a handful of your typical wedding songs in their style, plus a couple of interpreted metal tracks and classic New Orleans things. But I think it would add a lot of they had a singer.

My wife to be thinks that our wedding guests will be a bit confused by that and need to hear Beyonce's single ladies sung properly to 'get it'.

Plus being in the UK, there doesn't seem to be a lot of 'unique' sounding options!

Am I alone in this pain? Anybody else in the UK found any great wedding bands that are a little bit different from the norm?
 
That's why you let the Misses decide. Actually, for me, it would be easy. Decide on the music mix you want and after listening to submitted demos, pick the band the delivers the music you want.
 
If you want something different, don't hire a wedding band. Instead, hire a band that does a unique thing (2nd Line Brass, '20's ragtime, whatnot) and then let them do their thing! Don't try to shoehorn a unique/niche band into your wedding plans. Someone in the band will resent it, and it just won't work as well as you think it will. The musicians that perform in unique acts aren't purely in it for the money -- they have an artistic itch to scratch. If they wanted to play Beyonce and Incubus, well, they'd be in a cover band.

Hire a DJ to play your customized tracks and Beyonce. Then, after all that, have the band do a set or two of what they do best, and the DJ can spin on the breaks. If you can afford it, of course.
 
That's why you let the Misses decide. Actually, for me, it would be easy. Decide on the music mix you want and after listening to submitted demos, pick the band the delivers the music you want.

Haha I'm trying this technique next! Get her to look through some websites and pick her favourites!

If you want something different, don't hire a wedding band. Instead, hire a band that does a unique thing (2nd Line Brass, '20's ragtime, whatnot) and then let them do their thing! Don't try to shoehorn a unique/niche band into your wedding plans. Someone in the band will resent it, and it just won't work as well as you think it will. The musicians that perform in unique acts aren't purely in it for the money -- they have an artistic itch to scratch. If they wanted to play Beyonce and Incubus, well, they'd be in a cover band.

Hire a DJ to play your customized tracks and Beyonce. Then, after all that, have the band do a set or two of what they do best, and the DJ can spin on the breaks. If you can afford it, of course.

Actually thats a really good suggestion. I guess the band of my dreams whilst interesting to me, wouldn't actually get much work if they existed!

I hadn't thought that we will have to have a DJ inbetween the bands sets, so that can be the place for the 'classics', and then we let the band do their thing.

Now for the hard part, floating it with the fiance!
 
As a member of two cover bands, I can say that cover bands will appreciate a good-paying wedding gig, and *most* will bring their game in learning an extra song or two for your event. Make sure you hire a band because of what THEY do, and not for them to fit into a mold that you create for them. Don't hire a rock/pop group to do jazz or 2nd line stuff, for example, unless it's a special one-time song. As a musician, you have a little bit of perspective about what it means to get a band to learn and polish a song. Also, if you've played weddings, you know about the Bridezilla phenomena. :)

What my musician friends did was to ask a collection of musician friends who would be in attendance anyways if they would bring an instrument and jam. They paid some core members (me included) to arrange the PA and backline as well as some chart books. When the reception came around, it was a full-blown party!
 
As a member of two cover bands, I can say that cover bands will appreciate a good-paying wedding gig, and *most* will bring their game in learning an extra song or two for your event. Make sure you hire a band because of what THEY do, and not for them to fit into a mold that you create for them. Don't hire a rock/pop group to do jazz or 2nd line stuff, for example, unless it's a special one-time song. As a musician, you have a little bit of perspective about what it means to get a band to learn and polish a song. Also, if you've played weddings, you know about the Bridezilla phenomena. :)

What my musician friends did was to ask a collection of musician friends who would be in attendance anyways if they would bring an instrument and jam. They paid some core members (me included) to arrange the PA and backline as well as some chart books. When the reception came around, it was a full-blown party!

I think thats the thing I know its important for the band to do what they do, and most suggest they will learn and arrange covers for a fee, which is fair enough. You are right I appreciate the effort in that and the fact that mine isn't the only wedding they are preparing for!

The only wedding I've ever played, thankfully the bride was lovely. My dad used to play guitar in a gospel band, full 20 odd piece choir. Their bass player and drummer dropped out of a wedding at the last minute and me and my bass player at the time were drafted in. With two weeks to learn the material, we didn't quite realise just how big a deal it was playing someones wedding until we showed up at the church. I was suddenly terrified of spoiling someones big day!

Thankfully the choir themselves and the band leader were such pro's they kept us on track and we people refused to leave the church instead stopping to listen. We ran out of the 6 songs set and ended up having to play it three times. I dread to think how nerve racking it would be to have played the evening do at that kind of notice.

My bride on the other hand ooof! there will be hell to pay if I get it wrong haha. I've already sounded her out on the potentially star studded line up of my friends she could have play, sadly I'm fairly sure she used words like "your idiot friends" etc. haha. Seriously though I want the guests to enjoy the wedding and trying to organise a friend based line up would be a logistical nightmare as we are spread out around the country.

Also I am resisting the temptation to suggest to the band that I get up and play a song with them. For all I would have a blast, I think I should check my ego at the church and let them do what they do!
 
When is comes to marriage you can be right, or you can be happy. Let her decide.
 
When is comes to marriage you can be right, or you can be happy. Let her decide.

That old cliche sounds like the basis of a terrible marriage. :O

But, yeah, just speaking to basic relationship skills: invite her to have a say, and if she says, "I want you to handle this whole thing." then you're off the hook and can concoct whatever music arrangement you want that will make you, her, and the wedding party happy. No pressure. :)
 
Here's a vote for you to not play the drums. This is HER day, and while you might have a blast, it's entirely possible that your lovely wife might wish you wouldn't go there. I wouldn't do a jam session either. Again, this is HER day, and it's in YOUR best interest to make this day 100% about HER.
 
I agree with everything Caddy said.

My wife and I had a great time selecting the musicians for our wedding. We had a bagpiper for the service, mariachis for the cocktail hour and a Dixieland Jazz band consisting of all retirees for the reception. My wife and I are both musician, she has played with the mariachis and I with the bagpiper. Funny thing is I'm Mexican and she is white/German/Irish.

We scored a great deal as the band does gigs more for fun and played for a very reasonable rate. A DJ is going to cost you what a band would and if you're looking for an Emcee a social uncle with a good voice and stage presence could fit the bill just fine. My father in-law took that role. Look up to see if there is a "Classic/Traditional Jazz Society" or just a "Jazz Society" in your area.

Best advice as a newly married man, if she gives you a task, don't dilly-dally, just do it. Poor thing is going to be a bundle of nerves leading up to the big day. Also don't drink the night before or you'll look all puffy for your pictures. Congrats.
 
I helped find a band for my brother's wedding. In general, look for the best band regardless of style. That's not to say you completely ignore style. If you're looking for heavy metal and the best band you find specializes in polka that's a bit too much. But if you found a good heavy metal band and a great classic rock cover band, then you want the great band.

The band we booked for my brother's wedding played mostly a southern rock style similar to the Allman Brothers or Molly Hatchett. I recommended them because they had that extra edge. This is where being a musician helps. I really can't describe the exact qualities. I just knew when I heard them playing at a bar that they could deliver.

People old and young with a variety of tastes in music asked about the band. They took requests from the guests. If a song really got people dancing, they'd throw in an extra solo or chorus. DJ's can't do that. They'd banter with the crowd and generally participate in the celebration. Heck, afterwards they told us we were the most fun private party they've ever played. We couldn't serve alcohol at this reception hall, yet everybody raved that it was the most fun wedding they've ever attended. Find a great fun band, trust your musician instincts, and have fun.

Also, think twice before you "let" your fiance pick the band. If she's like most brides-to-be I've known, she's probably overwhelmed with planning all the details and hopes you can handle this one. That doesn't mean that you get to pick whatever band you want and ignore her preferences. But it does mean that if she's doing most of the other planning, you can help her out on this one.
 
Thanks guys, believe it or not this makes me feel better about handling this intense pressure!

When is comes to marriage you can be right, or you can be happy. Let her decide.

Classic!

That old cliche sounds like the basis of a terrible marriage. :O

But, yeah, just speaking to basic relationship skills: invite her to have a say, and if she says, "I want you to handle this whole thing." then you're off the hook and can concoct whatever music arrangement you want that will make you, her, and the wedding party happy. No pressure. :)

I certainly havn't managed to get myself the whole responsibility yet. I thought I'd cracked it after what you said yesterday, but she is determined to not have a new orleans brass band because they don't sing. Ah well!

Here's a vote for you to not play the drums. This is HER day, and while you might have a blast, it's entirely possible that your lovely wife might wish you wouldn't go there. I wouldn't do a jam session either. Again, this is HER day, and it's in YOUR best interest to make this day 100% about HER.

You are totally right, don't worry I did see sense on this fairly quickly.

I agree with everything Caddy said.

My wife and I had a great time selecting the musicians for our wedding. We had a bagpiper for the service, mariachis for the cocktail hour and a Dixieland Jazz band consisting of all retirees for the reception. My wife and I are both musician, she has played with the mariachis and I with the bagpiper. Funny thing is I'm Mexican and she is white/German/Irish.

We scored a great deal as the band does gigs more for fun and played for a very reasonable rate. A DJ is going to cost you what a band would and if you're looking for an Emcee a social uncle with a good voice and stage presence could fit the bill just fine. My father in-law took that role. Look up to see if there is a "Classic/Traditional Jazz Society" or just a "Jazz Society" in your area.

Best advice as a newly married man, if she gives you a task, don't dilly-dally, just do it. Poor thing is going to be a bundle of nerves leading up to the big day. Also don't drink the night before or you'll look all puffy for your pictures. Congrats.

Actually a lot of UK wedding bands offer to do the DJ bit inbetween their sets for an additional £100-£200, which is pretty reasonable, and saves someone from the wedding party having to do it. So thats not too bad. Noted re the puffyness haha.

I helped find a band for my brother's wedding. In general, look for the best band regardless of style. That's not to say you completely ignore style. If you're looking for heavy metal and the best band you find specializes in polka that's a bit too much. But if you found a good heavy metal band and a great classic rock cover band, then you want the great band.

The band we booked for my brother's wedding played mostly a southern rock style similar to the Allman Brothers or Molly Hatchett. I recommended them because they had that extra edge. This is where being a musician helps. I really can't describe the exact qualities. I just knew when I heard them playing at a bar that they could deliver.

People old and young with a variety of tastes in music asked about the band. They took requests from the guests. If a song really got people dancing, they'd throw in an extra solo or chorus. DJ's can't do that. They'd banter with the crowd and generally participate in the celebration. Heck, afterwards they told us we were the most fun private party they've ever played. We couldn't serve alcohol at this reception hall, yet everybody raved that it was the most fun wedding they've ever attended. Find a great fun band, trust your musician instincts, and have fun.

Also, think twice before you "let" your fiance pick the band. If she's like most brides-to-be I've known, she's probably overwhelmed with planning all the details and hopes you can handle this one. That doesn't mean that you get to pick whatever band you want and ignore her preferences. But it does mean that if she's doing most of the other planning, you can help her out on this one.

What you describe is kind of why I feel the pressure. Everybody, especially our non musician friends is expecting that kind of awesome party! I know what you mean though, being a musician certainly helps sort the wheat from the chaff.

I'm actually pretty hands on with the whole wedding planning, I'm interested and involved in the whole day from the flowers to invites, the lot. I'm a fairly creative guy in general so I'm enjoying planning the details with her.

But our new plan is to sit and go through prospective bands together now. Lets see how it goes!
 
I'll play - problem solved! ;)

Seriously, though - you can't go wrong with a rock/pop cover band that plays a selection of classics that everyone knows. That's the best way to appeal to the mass market and cover off loads of guest's tastes.

Otherwise you can go a different route and get something more unique. For instance - my rock n roll band played a wedding last year for a couple of young 20ish year olds. You'd imagine that the old fart music we played wouldn't appeal to them or their circle of friends but we had the marquee full of dancers all night. Something different, whilst not someone's choice of listening music, can offer opportunity for people to have fun doing/experiencing something they aren't used to (like dancing alongside the oldies to FBI, Shadows style) - that can make an event memorable.

Either way, don't sweat it. Everyone will be there to have fun and you'd be surprised how little the average punter knows about if a band is good or not. If there's a beat and they can recognise the lyrics then that's usually enough for most :p
 
Just pick a good entertaining wedding band. They will be there to entertain the guests, not to reflect your musical taste. The guests will be impressed by a band that gets them up dancing I would guess, not by serious muso's.

I love rock and 70s prog but a wedding is not the place for such music, in my opinion. A wedding is for enjoying the occasion, and well known, and yes even slightly cheesy music, will be the order of the day. A good wedding band should be able to play almost anything the guests ask them for.
 
Get a good, solid blues based band. I play in a blues band and the weddings we play are usually pretty full-on parties with the oldies getting into it too. It's easy to listen to and everyone can relate in many ways. Nothing like a swinging shuffle to get the bridesmaids raising their skirts for the drummer!
 
Get a good, solid blues based band. I play in a blues band and the weddings we play are usually pretty full-on parties with the oldies getting into it too. It's easy to listen to and everyone can relate in many ways. Nothing like a swinging shuffle to get the bridesmaids raising their skirts for the drummer!

Are you in the UK? Maybe I should start a new thread, "UK wedding bands!"
 
My first post was obviously in jest and stolen from one of my fave comedians but in all honesty, if you know her well enough to marry her you should know what her musical tastes are.
 
My first post was obviously in jest and stolen from one of my fave comedians but in all honesty, if you know her well enough to marry her you should know what her musical tastes are.

Yes. This.

When I married my wife, I knew what her musical tastes were, what mine were, which ones I successfully turned her on to, which ones she revealed to me that Ifound out that I liked, which bands she would want to see should they tour through town, etc. Also, I found out that she doesn't like receiving jewelry, so I get to take her out to see Steve Miller Band or Russell Peters for her birthday instead of shopping for a necklace or earrings for the 10th time like those "other" poor married saps do--score!
 
Being a poor married sap isn't as bad as you make it out to be Paul. Still, anytime you want to swap lives, LMK.
 
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