Realistic Expectations

rustyfingers

Senior Member
I started playing Piano when I was around 11 or so and played up until I was 19. I practiced two or three hours a day and got pretty good for my age. One day we were at a local music store and they had Oscar Peterson on the overheads playing with Joe Pass. It was like I was listening to Angels playing the piano. "How is he doing that?" I knew I could play what he played but would never be able to play like him. At that moment I realized that I would never be that good no matter how much I practiced or played, I would never be that good... ever so I quit. Didn't touch a piano for over 20 years.

When my youngest child was born (2003) I went and bought an S80 and started playing a bit trying to get my hands working again and did start playing in the church band and have done that until recently. I'm OK, with what we play, but nothing like I was back then.

So about a month ago our drummer quit so I started poking around on the drums. I can keep a beat and play the stuff we play without to many issues as long as I didn't try to do anything fancy. I've been working hard trying to get up to speed, trying to get better so I don't screw up when we play (twice a week). So here I am checking out videos on YT and the drummers here in the Your Playing section and I suddenly realize, out of the blue, I'll never be that good. No matter how much I practice, I'll never play like JoJo, Tommy Igoe, Tommy Aldridge, Ed Shaughnessy or the vast majority of the guys/gals here... ever.

I bought a crappy drum set from MF but won't even open the box, I'll get an RA and ship them back the day after they arrive. Keeping the snare I picked up and will continue to practice on my pad and get better but I need to set my expectations of myself. I need to realize that I'm 54 and while I can learn to play the drums I'll never be great or even really good. I'll be maybe better than average and that's going to be it. I'm not going to quit, I just need to set more realistic expectations, with the time I have left, and not be obsessed with playing like Buddy Rich... LOL.
 
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I think a realistic expectation is does it make YOU happy? If everyone that played did so because they thought they'd be Buddy Rich, no one would be on this board right now.

For me, when I get down about my playing, I tell myself I quit. Then guess what - a day or two later, I ask myself what now? And I'm back practicing my ass off, trying to get even one iota better. The journey fulfills me, not the destination.

Don't worry about being good, worry about being better. Learn to love practice and you'll surprise yourself how much you'll end up being able to do.

DON'T GIVE UP!
 
It sounds to me like you are not having fun playing.
You should quit playing.

Find another hobby. Maybe fishing or stamp collecting.

.
 
I think a realistic expectation is does it make YOU happy?

Don't worry about being good, worry about being better. Learn to love practice and you'll surprise yourself how much you'll end up being able to do.

DON'T GIVE UP!

What I was going to say, in a nutshell!

In slightly less of a nutshell, comparing yourself to others is at best pointless and at worst harmful. So don't do it. Simples.

You only need to be as good as you need to be, and this is a movable feast. Don't stress, just play, and enjoy every hit.
 
I started playing Piano when I was around 11 or so and played up until I was 19. I practiced two or three hours a day and got pretty good for my age. One day we were at a local music store and they had Oscar Peterson on the overheads playing with Joe Pass. It was like I was listening to Angels playing the piano. "How is he doing that?" I knew I could play what he played but would never be able to play like him. At that moment I realized that I would never be that good no matter how much I practiced or played, I would never be that good... ever so I quit. Didn't touch a piano for over 20 years.

When my youngest child was born (2003) I went and bought an S80 and started playing a bit trying to get my hands working again and did start playing in the church band and have done that until recently. I'm OK, with what we play, but nothing like I was back then.

So about a month ago our drummer quit so I started poking around on the drums. I can keep a beat and play the stuff we play without to many issues as long as I didn't try to do anything fancy. I've been working hard trying to get up to speed, trying to get better so I don't screw up when we play (twice a week). So here I am checking out videos on YT and the drummers here in the Your Playing section and I suddenly realize, out of the blue, I'll never be that good. No matter how much I practice, I'll never play like JoJo, Tommy Igoe, Tommy Aldridge, Ed Shaughnessy or the vast majority of the guys/gals here... ever.

I bought a crappy drum set from MF but won't even open the box, I'll get an RA and ship them back the day after they arrive. Keeping the snare I picked up and will continue to practice on my pad and get better but I need to set my expectations of myself. I need to realize that I'm 54 and while I can learn to play the drums I'll never be great or even really good. I'll be maybe better than average and that's going to be it. I'm not going to quit, I just need to set more realistic expectations, with the time I have left, and not be obsessed with playing like Buddy Rich... LOL.

I think there's something wrong with you.

Who gives up piano just because he'll never play like Oscar Peterson? And you had an expectation to play like Jojo but now won't even set the new kit up because you'd never get to where he is? How do you think those guys got to where they are? Are you sure you played 'pretty good' by 19?

I think Hollywood Jim is right - for whatever reason, you've wasted your time on musical instruments. Go do something else. I woulda' thought by 54 you'd have figured it out. What would've happened if you lived around Los Angeles where people living under rocks are incredible? The stamp collecting probably would've started sooner?

Either get on the instrument to enjoy the journey, or find something else. I think you've made up your mind.
 
here is my $0.02...

with work, family, kids, etc etc....if a hobby is not an escape and/or fun, then don't do it. Learning an instrument should be fun and an engaging challenge and being good or even great is just an endgame; an aspiration to work towards.

A drummer need not be Buddy or any of the very high level drummers to be "good". A good drummer can be someone like Steven Adler...who made famous recordings and has been validated as a musician. Personally, I like his drumming style and vocabulary; he has a great feel as far as I am concerned but does not speak with a huge vocabulary or a bunch of technical stuff...call it what you want.

Do't aspire to be a technically great drummer; aspire to be a musical drummer and have fun.

Just have fun with it and let the rest come.
 
Wow, this got kinda' twisted.

FWIW, I absolutely love playing music. Just like I've told my kids, there is nothing better than playing music with a group or in a band. There's no feeling like it in the world when you nail it and everything works.

My point was... I just need to set my expectation of myself to a lower degree than basically trying to be like Jojo. It ain't gonna' happen and the sooner I realize that then I can start playing music and having fun again, which I do. I absolutely LOVE practicing, LOVE playing and LOVE listening to music.

Peace,
Dennis
 
Wow, this got kinda' twisted.

FWIW, I absolutely love playing music. Just like I've told my kids, there is nothing better than playing music with a group or in a band. There's no feeling like it in the world when you nail it and everything works.

My point was... I just need to set my expectation of myself to a lower degree than basically trying to be like Jojo. It ain't gonna' happen and the sooner I realize that then I can start playing music and having fun again, which I do. I absolutely LOVE practicing, LOVE playing and LOVE listening to music.

Peace,
Dennis

Well that is good to hear !

.
 
Set small attainable goals at first. When you accomplish those, set higher goals. Always strive to move forward.

Don't compare yourself with professional drummers - ouch!!

I know that many a time I have thought about chucking my sticks because I feel that I suck as a drummer - but I've yet to do so. If you're having fun playing, stick with it.
 
In slightly less of a nutshell, comparing yourself to others is at best pointless and at worst harmful. So don't do it. Simples.

Well said Madge :)

On top of that comparing yourself (ourselves) to the greats like Jojo Mayer or Vinnie Colaiuta or Steve Gadd or Simon Phillips is utterly pointless, these living legends are the top drummers in the world, they're in a class of their own and they represent the minority of all the drummers in the world, most of the average drummer will never reach their ability.

The only healthy expectation is to progress and get better, as long as you are better than yesterday, that's all what matter.

I'm 56 years old and as long as I enjoy and have fun and somewhat progress a little on the drums, I'm happy.
 
It sounds to me like you are not having fun playing.
You should quit playing.

Find another hobby. Maybe fishing or stamp collecting.

.


Ha ha.

Only trouble is that rustyfingers would probably compare himself to other fishermen or stamp collectors, and think he'd never be as good as them and give up.
It's not the activity, but the comparison that's the problem.
 
My friend, I've been playing drums for 40 years, 35 of them professionally. I'm never going to play like Buddy Rich. Or Vinnie Coaliuta. Or Lars Ulrick for that matter.
Your relationship to you instrument will always be unique to your life and what you want to say on it. For me, it's a process that with always have a component of struggle and doubt. Part of your job as a musician is to not let that discomfort stop you.
For me the struggle never goes away, I've just got better at not letting it get me down. In fact it lights a fire under my ass.
"Your struggle is your wisdom"
--Pema Chodron
 
My friend, I've been playing drums for 40 years, 35 of them professionally. I'm never going to play like Buddy Rich. Or Vinnie Coaliuta. Or Lars Ulrick for that matter.
Your relationship to you instrument will always be unique to your life and what you want to say on it. For me, it's a process that with always have a component of struggle and doubt. Part of your job as a musician is to not let that discomfort stop you.
For me the struggle never goes away, I've just got better at not letting it get me down. In fact it lights a fire under my ass.
"Your struggle is your wisdom"
--Pema Chodron

Well put!

- By the way, Welcome aboard.
__________________
 
Wow, this got kinda' twisted.

FWIW, I absolutely love playing music. Just like I've told my kids, there is nothing better than playing music with a group or in a band. There's no feeling like it in the world when you nail it and everything works.

My point was... I just need to set my expectation of myself to a lower degree than basically trying to be like Jojo. It ain't gonna' happen and the sooner I realize that then I can start playing music and having fun again, which I do. I absolutely LOVE practicing, LOVE playing and LOVE listening to music.

Peace,
Dennis
I read that loud and clear from your first post. Don't give up is right!
I've found that the joys of even getting little grooves down tightly is extremely rewarding and translates into a smoother drum vocabulary when playing along to songs or live.
Kenny Aaronoff pointed out in an older video how useful it was to set aside some quality time just working out basic grooves slowly over and over again-- in the same pattern, then adding a little variety, then a bit more, etc. You'd be surprised how much you can improvise after you invest some time in basic groove practicing--this really gets imprinted into your muscle memory and its fun. Then you can also spend the time practicing the basic rudiments and stick control to sharpen your chops on an ongoing basis.
 
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My friend, I've been playing drums for 40 years, 35 of them professionally. I'm never going to play like Buddy Rich. Or Vinnie Coaliuta. Or Lars Ulrick for that matter.
Your relationship to you instrument will always be unique to your life and what you want to say on it. For me, it's a process that with always have a component of struggle and doubt. Part of your job as a musician is to not let that discomfort stop you.
For me the struggle never goes away, I've just got better at not letting it get me down. In fact it lights a fire under my ass.
"Your struggle is your wisdom"
--Pema Chodron

This is outstanding practical wisdom and advice.....!
 
It's been a while since we had the groove vs chops merry go round.

Rusty, i'd bet money that some of your favourite music has drumming that you can replicate. Among us old farts that predominate on here, Charlie Watts and Richard Starkey are both held in high regard. So is Mr Philip Rudd. All three have distinctive styles that served them well.

None of them is held in awe for otherworldly technical prowess, yet all 3 are highly regarded. Even Ringo.
 
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