Tips on Ghost Notes.

I have been trying to do them for ages, but they always sound too loud.

What are some tips to actually make them quiet?

Practice them quietly? :)

In general, volume is a function of stick height/stroke length. Get your ghosts down to between 1/2" - 1" above the drum head. You can also use the drum to your advantage. Playing closer to the edge of the drum gives a quieter sound, so you can work on playing your ghosts closer to the rim of the drum while still playing your backbeats in the center of the drum, with or without a rimshot.

Also, it wouldn't hurt to get out something like pg. 5 of Stick Control and go through all the exercises at a stick height of no more than 2" to work on low volume control.
 
Try to exaggerate things. Get the backbeat really loud with misled and add arm motion then leave the stick as close to the head as you can and just barely tap the head.
 
Yep, what they all said!

David Garibaldi talks about the 'two level concept' which is a nice simple way of laying it out.
You have two levels of strokes, say full strokes and tap (ghost) strokes. The tap stroke is the light stroke from 1" above the head described by Boomka, and the full stroke is the normal backbeat-type volume.
Practice playing some beats that involve a combination of full and tap strokes, and try to emphasise (or even exaggerate) the difference between them. Practise slowly at first to get the coordination right before speeding up.
 
Yep, what they all said!

David Garibaldi talks about the 'two level concept' which is a nice simple way of laying it out.
You have two levels of strokes, say full strokes and tap (ghost) strokes. The tap stroke is the light stroke from 1" above the head described by Boomka, and the full stroke is the normal backbeat-type volume.
Practice playing some beats that involve a combination of full and tap strokes, and try to emphasise (or even exaggerate) the difference between them. Practise slowly at first to get the coordination right before speeding up.
Practice out of "Patterns" by Gary Chaffee and you'll get with the ghost notes, stick heights and all of the other goodies David Garibaldi learned or mastered from him.
Try to exaggerate things. Get the backbeat really loud with misled and add arm motion then leave the stick as close to the head as you can and just barely tap the head.
Right on. It's like exaggerated moeller whipping motion, with the end result being a catch and release after the ghost note.
 
Are you practicing your rudiments? They prepare your hands for ghost notes by pretty much covering the whole spectrum of taps and accents. You can build a drum set pattern with ghost notes just off paradiddle variations.
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAT9sed_XFw

Can't really go far wrong with Bernard Purdie for ghost notes.

Technique wise just practice lots and the control will come. For hands it's Moeller all the way, get the Jim Chapin video, he explains it better than most. Combine that with Master Studies by Joe Morello.
 
I’ve always liked David Garibaldi’s explanation of stick heights on the kit. Like he says - he didn’t invent this concept, but it’s really helpful to break it down. His paradiddle permutation exercises in the beginning of Future Sounds, are great for working on ghost notes.

Moeller Up strokes are a way to get from that low ghost stroke, to a rimshot, or non-rimshot accent. And control strokes will allow going from high to low stick heights.

Like 8 Mile mentioned, rudiments can also help. One way I like to play Wilcoxon solos on the snare, is with the unaccented notes really low to the head, and accents almost up to a Full stroke. For the accents, try playing higher, not harder. Having that dynamic control can translate nicely when playing grooves...
 
I employ a tactic where I hit almost all the notes on the snare fairly soft, except the backbeat. I use the rim for the backbeat and no rim for the rest of the ghost notes. The beauty part I found is I don't have to whack the backbeat any harder than the ghosts. Flattening my stick angle so it catches the rim is enough to double the volume of the backbeat. It also changes the tone to where the backbeat sticks out tonally, compared to the other notes, the goal. Without me having to hit any harder. That's the whole point right there. It's all about the rim for the backbeat, taps for the ghosts. Employing the rim alone for backbeats creates the dynamic tonal and volume difference with very little effort, the goal.

My band doesn't get real loud so this works for me. We're not a quiet band, but we don't blow you out either. So I guess we're a medium volume band. I depend on this tactic throughout the night.
 
Oh really?

I will have to try that out, as well!

I employ a tactic where I hit almost all the notes on the snare fairly soft, except the backbeat. I use the rim for the backbeat and no rim for the rest of the ghost notes. The beauty part I found is I don't have to whack the backbeat any harder than the ghosts. Flattening my stick angle so it catches the rim is enough to double the volume of the backbeat. It also changes the tone to where the backbeat sticks out tonally, compared to the other notes, the goal. Without me having to hit any harder. That's the whole point right there. It's all about the rim for the backbeat, taps for the ghosts. Employing the rim alone for backbeats creates the dynamic tonal and volume difference with very little effort, the goal.

My band doesn't get real loud so this works for me. We're not a quiet band, but we don't blow you out either. So I guess we're a medium volume band. I depend on this tactic throughout the night.
 
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