Am I overreacting here?

crdirtRider856

Silver Member
Ok so answered an ad on Craigslist for a band in need of a drummer, if anyone else has done that then you know the typical results... usually it goes nowhere. No callbacks, odd situations, BS, and alot of back and forth ending in "this wont work". But I ll give anything a try so I auditioned, it went well. It was a cover band playing everything from Tool to Tommy and the Twotones and I knew about 90% of what they did.

So I spent almost 4 months driving 40 minutes to practice twice a week and getting it all tight and polished. I was surprised how good these guys were and felt like it was right. We played a showcase for bar owners with 6 other bands for the first gig, we completely blew em all off the stage and got a house band offer for one place, and 4 or 5 gigs elsewhere. We netted a show scheduled at a decent bar 2 weeks from then. This was early December so the holidays were getting close and everyone had alot to do so we couldnt do practice before the gig.

Then...3 days before the show I get an email(no phone call) saying that the band didnt think that we could make it through 3 sets and "we re having our old drummer play this show...but we want you to sit in for a few songs, after the holidays we ll get back to practicing". I was completely shocked by this, being that I was really looking forwards to playing a full night again, felt confident about our setlist, and I really could ve used the money... Not to mention how much I just wanted to play music for people, and do it good.

So I sent an email back stating that I had alot of friends coming and now I have to tell everyone that I wont be playing and "politely" said I ll pass. I felt used and dissed... It hit me kinda hard to be honest.

We had over 3 hours of songs that were tight, and I KNOW we were completeley prepared for this... whats the deal with that? Its like they forgot that they had a new drummer, and I wondered why they even had me coming there if they had a drummer on call.

This last guy left the band because he had a newborn and couldnt commit, I thought he was done for good by what they told me, but when you put it all together it seems like they just needed a fill in to practice with. I havent heard from them since mid-Dec also, so that didnt help. Am I being a *1^k by not calling them back? Or does it sound like I was used? I love playing out and while I want to get it all going, I dont think this was the right way to do it. If they said we wanna have our old drummer sit in for a few songs... is that cool? I would ve been more than happy to say yes to that. But to waste my time and little bit of money I have getting to practise, then drop a bomb like that it seemed like a big F. U. to me... What do you think? Anyone here been there? Everyone else I told said I should f them and move on, but I dont completely agree. A good band is hard to find and when it works-you know it.

Wow that was a long post... hope you all read it through, LOL AND THANX
 
It sounds me me that you were used. On the plus side, you had a good time getting tight with good musicians.

If I was in your position I'd be curious to know whether the reason they went back to the old drummer was musical or because he was a friend. It would be interesting for you to (surreptitiously) check them out with their old drummer sometime, which would give you the answer.
 
Yes, you were used but don't be too hard on the band. They may have doubted that their drummer would return so quickly and might have been taken aback when their drummer asked to return. If that was the case then it would have been better if they had been upfront with you but perhaps they didn't like to hurt your feelings or felt guilty about having you playing with them for so long. It's probably the case that the drummer was a friend, or more of a friend than they considered you.

Polly is right though, there is a positive. You have had a good time and proven yourself capable of getting tight with other musicians.
 
Rather than mailing you could have phoned and asked for a proper explanation. When confronted they would have to respond fairly honestly and then you could have told them where to stick it. In fact they have missed a big opportunity here because a guy with a new baby will need a dep from time to time and if it had been handled better they could have got you to step in.

Very bad all round and a massive waste of your time.

However, there are positives as already noted.

Davo
 
Just remember, the Band is essentially synonymous with the Girl(Boy)friend. And, they do occasionally want to see their exes, especially if things ended on relatively good terms. Musicians are notoriously promiscuous, not to mention afraid of commitment.

Chin up, there's more than one fish in the sea!
 
Show business works unfairly to people. You are pissed off and I don't blame you, if I was in your shoes, I would have felt the same.
Looking at it from the good side, You had the chance to be exposed and to get to know by different audiences and places - the word will pass around about you.....It was a blessing in disguise.....so turn the page and move on, brother!

Ok so answered an ad on Craigslist for a band in need of a drummer, if anyone else has done that then you know the typical results... usually it goes nowhere. No callbacks, odd situations, BS, and alot of back and forth ending in "this wont work". But I ll give anything a try so I auditioned, it went well. It was a cover band playing everything from Tool to Tommy and the Twotones and I knew about 90% of what they did.

So I spent almost 4 months driving 40 minutes to practice twice a week and getting it all tight and polished. I was surprised how good these guys were and felt like it was right. We played a showcase for bar owners with 6 other bands for the first gig, we completely blew em all off the stage and got a house band offer for one place, and 4 or 5 gigs elsewhere. We netted a show scheduled at a decent bar 2 weeks from then. This was early December so the holidays were getting close and everyone had alot to do so we couldnt do practice before the gig.

Then...3 days before the show I get an email(no phone call) saying that the band didnt think that we could make it through 3 sets and "we re having our old drummer play this show...but we want you to sit in for a few songs, after the holidays we ll get back to practicing". I was completely shocked by this, being that I was really looking forwards to playing a full night again, felt confident about our setlist, and I really could ve used the money... Not to mention how much I just wanted to play music for people, and do it good.

So I sent an email back stating that I had alot of friends coming and now I have to tell everyone that I wont be playing and "politely" said I ll pass. I felt used and dissed... It hit me kinda hard to be honest.

We had over 3 hours of songs that were tight, and I KNOW we were completeley prepared for this... whats the deal with that? Its like they forgot that they had a new drummer, and I wondered why they even had me coming there if they had a drummer on call.

This last guy left the band because he had a newborn and couldnt commit, I thought he was done for good by what they told me, but when you put it all together it seems like they just needed a fill in to practice with. I havent heard from them since mid-Dec also, so that didnt help. Am I being a *1^k by not calling them back? Or does it sound like I was used? I love playing out and while I want to get it all going, I dont think this was the right way to do it. If they said we wanna have our old drummer sit in for a few songs... is that cool? I would ve been more than happy to say yes to that. But to waste my time and little bit of money I have getting to practise, then drop a bomb like that it seemed like a big F. U. to me... What do you think? Anyone here been there? Everyone else I told said I should f them and move on, but I dont completely agree. A good band is hard to find and when it works-you know it.

Wow that was a long post... hope you all read it through, LOL AND THANX
 
Yes, you were used and abused.

No, that is NOT cool.

However, all is not lost.

It is a cover band, not an original band, so you having practiced and gotten down all the songs is an asset to any other cover band, and an asset to them.

Obviously, they still will need a sub, so as long as you know all the songs, it's not going to kill you to fill in and earn some money from the gigs.

It may not be ideal, but plenty of cover bands have a variety of members depending on the circumstances of the gig.

And from here it should be easier to jump into other bands. Many cover bands don't rehearse much, if at all. If you fill on a few gigs with these guys, and get your name around that you're available and already know all the tunes, someone else is bound to call you to fill in for their band, and so on and so forth.

I know if I were in your shoes, I'd want to call them up and scream and yell and raise bloddy hell, but you're better off not burning any bridges. You never know when any of the band members will have another situation, or a friend who needs a drummer that leads to you getting the call.

Read an interview with Kenny Arnoff about how he was kicked off his first session with John Cougar. Even though he was hurt, he stuck it out, an proved his worth to the band over the long haul.

Good luck.
 
No, you're not over reacting. You've been used, pure & simple. There's no positive spin as far as I can see. You weren't hired on a temporary basis. They've engaged your good nature and crapped on you from a great height. Very, very frustrating. The plus is you know you're good enough to cut it and maybe you can capitalize on the limited exposure you received. Good luck on your journey.
 
Wait until they need you again, but for a gig. Let them arrive first, say you're just round the corner about twenty minutes before you're supposed to be on, then turn off your phone and turn on the television. It's called revenge, and it's perfectly justified and legal.
 
That's a real bum deal and a shallow move on their part. If you could do without a weekends gig pay, don't put yourself in another bad situation with this group and fill in for them later (they'll end up calling you). If I were you I'd laugh in their face and hang up.
 
What they did was lame, and if they intended otherwise, they handled it poorly. It sounds like others have said that this was "friend" situation and they just weren't up front with you. Best thing is to move on and if you ever did decide to sub for them, get cash up front and charge them a lot.
 
It would have been very easy to have told you we need a drummer to play with us as we get ready for a show or tour but that the other drummer will be doing the show. If you are intersted give us a call. But to string you along is wrong. I'm not one for revenge normally as burning bridges can come back on you but I like the aforementioned turn off the phone turn on the telly idea.
 
Good suggestions from all angles.
I agree, they are tools.
You rehearse with them for 4 months, and you aren't ready to do a lousy 3 sets worth of songs?...and after 4 months (AND A NEW BABY!) the old guy can just step in, 3 days before and it's all going to go smoothly as it would with someone that's been doing it twice a week for 4 months?
Riiiight.
This sort of crap just gets to me.

Try and move on with as little bitterness as you can, and at least you got some good playing time in for a few months. There's a lot of tunes you know well now if you go to jam nights and sit in. And maybe some good will come from 4 months of prep work for your next real band.

Good luck!
 
Jeez, I just wrote a thought-out reply to your query when the 'site' here blew up, or whatever, and it was zapped off into cyber space... gone forever I guess... and I'm not re-writting it! Period!

But the bottom line was... WHY would they do this? There's gotta be a logical or practical answer. And not only that, but if you'd shown up at the gig (they invited you, right?) and blew the socks of daddio, you might still have the gig that's hard to come by with so much competition and club closures over the last couple of years. At least in that way you'd know the truth and moving on would be a bit easier. Hang in...
 
Um er um....

don't let your emotions rule your life. Be cool. I doubt that they were using you. They're 'old' drummer had a newborn, so he was out for a bit. They should have told you that. But, if you lose your temper, and they want you back, then you've shot yourself in the foot. DON'T LOSE IT. BE COOL. This keeps the door open.

I'm an old fart. I been there. Done that. I've felt used. That feeling got me nowhere. Keep smiling. Keep in touch with them and keep on good terms. They'll wonder what's up with you. People don't act like that. THIS will make you stand out. People who have tantrums are a dime a dozen.

So, stay cool. It ain't over yet. The sky isn't falling. I feel for you, but your best bet is to just keep on truckin'. Besides, that band isn't the only one. You can always find another, but m'thinks, and I'll bet on it -- they'll be calling you for other gigs. Think on this -- a guy with a family has a major obligation. You don't. You're more valuable to them. Their link with the other guy is sentimental.

So, chin up. Cheerio. Pip pip and all that. You'll survive this.
 
Thanx for all the advice... When this happened I took that last email 3 ways. I first thought, WTF!? Screw them... then it was maybe slip into the bar unnoticed and see if this guy was any good, and leave quietly... then I considered showing up and playing some songs and best him on his own kit. I ve been drumming for about 26 years now and have no problem showing off and owning another drummers kit in front of them. lol..........
It turned out that I had the option to see my son(5 yrs old btw) overnight and that was the option I took. I didnt see them play, I didnt go there, or call them back... I felt that if they really needed/wanted me, I d hear from them, and maybe we could get back on track.

Its mid January and havent heard a word so I guess its done and gone. I could call but it would just feel weird and like I was begging for another letdown... You would think I learned a lesson(reguarding craigslist ads) but I have an audition for an original band in PA next week. (Blackmassmafia/myspace).... I ve been in countless bands and love playing... but when you gotta play, you gotta play even when you get played.... So I guess I ll put it all out that if things arent gonna work then DONT string it out! I m hoping for a little more integrity/honesty from now on. After all.... I just want to make music.. ya know?
 
If you have not been in this situation before in 26 years you are doing alright I reckon. :)
 
Um er um....

don't let your emotions rule your life. BE COOL. This keeps the door open.

keep on good terms. They'll wonder what's up with you.

People don't act like that. THIS will make you stand out.

People who have tantrums are a dime a dozen.



Exactly!! I just HAD to isolate those statements ....
Good words my friend....Thanx Lengo!
 
You're quite welcome. 'Tis good that I'm good for something!

The fact that you asked "am I over reacting" shows sensitivity. This is wise too. Let this be your guide. This will be frustrating at times, but you gotta live by your standards, not others', and it appears that yours are on track.

Let us know what happens. When you get good news again, follow up in this thread.

Laters! I got a gig with Ella Fitzgerald and Chick Webb this morning. Drumming is so much fun! And that punk, Webb, well... somebody's gotta show him up, so it might as well be me!

:cool:

"'Tain't what you do, it's the way that you do it!"
 
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