Ahh, that's because you're doing it wrong. It's Boom Snare, Boom BOOM Snare!
Depending on my mood, the audience and time of day, I'll either play "Polynesian Nightmare" or the second movement of 4'33".
My favorite is when I go to a jam session to sit in with some people I've never seen before and when I sit down, start cheesin' on the kit like an uncoordinated buffoon... makes 'em really nervous then they start giving me a "talk-down" of the tune... "OK this is Mustang Sally, it's just a straight, easy beat. Just give me a simple beat, look at me for breaks"... When I kick it off with a "Motown on Steroids" feel they look at me like I'm possessed or something.