Leave Me Alone, rant 2

I have never had this experience

but quite frankly ... if it is happening enough for you to start a thread about it maybe they are on to something you should listen to
 
Musos never tell me things like that after gigs. Occasionally when I've posted videos online people have suggested that I could work on my left wrist. It's a fair point - my left wrist has all the suppleness of a Thunderbirds puppet.

In a way, being criticised for one thing is a compliment. There's a lot of things that can be criticised in a performance - time, tightness, dynamics, feel, cycbal choices, drum tone and tuning (esp snare), setup, note choices, mechanics of movement, listening/responsiveness, etc.

So if someone criticises just one thing abut your gig, then that implicitly suggests that they think you're going okay in the other areas. If a muso in the audience has a shopping list of grievances about your playing then it's unlikely they'd say anything, rather than suggesting possible improvements to one or two areas.

Martha, given the above, I'm not convinced the amount of "helpful" feedback you're receiving is due to gender. Maybe it's a combination of being a woman, an inexperienced musician, and operating in a worship environment?

Suppleness of a Thinderbird puppet....LOL Grea that's golden.

But Thinderbirds are GO......F.A.B :)

But more OT,yeah chivalry isn't dead,and along with opening doors and standing up when a woman enters a room,comes with the attitude that mes are superior to women,especially in the work place.This also seems to apply,when we have threads about female drummers here.Some of these women are personally strong individuals,who believe in themselves,and can wipe the floor with many male drummers,on every level there is.

That attitude aseems to apply ato other instruments as well,like guitar and bass,but not chello or violin.That's a bit strange to me,as is any gender discriniation.I've worked with female cops,that were twice the cop, as some of the men I worked with.

The analogy would be,"it's not the size of the dog in the foght,it's the size of the fight in the dog."I mean no disrespect,and am not infering anyone here is og any canine species,but the lesson certainly applies.

Steve B
 
Do you have a current teacher or or have you spent time with one?

We all have things to work on and you've acknowledged the fact that you have stuff to work on.

When I first began gigging back around 1984, some experienced drummers came up to me and offered me unsolicited advice on how I could improve. Looking back - almost everything they said was true. I needed a lot of work (still do in fact).

My teachers - in addition to myself - were / are the harshest critics. Then again, I paid them for that - I didn't pay them to stroke my ego (they crushed it in seconds).

Believe me, I've seen many local drummers (of all genders) I'd love to offer unsolicited advice like you're receiving. I'm not their teacher but if I were I'd work on improving some of this stuff. Since I'm not their teacher - I say nothing.

On this musical journey, many of us improve anyways as time goes along. Then again, I've seen many who play no better today than they did 15 years ago.

I'll just keep on trying to be one of those wanna-be jazz people as long as I'm able to continue to hone my craft.

By the way - gender aside - I would of typed the same thing.
 
Picturing the person as physically aged to what my assessment of their mental age indicates always helps me avoid annoyance.

Pundit: "You use to many cymbals".

Me: "Who's a cute little fella? YOUR a cute little fella..."

-turn to the woman with him-

Me:"How old is he?...he's adorable!"
 
Picturing the person as physically aged to what my assessment of their mental age indicates always helps me avoid annoyance.

Pundit: "You use to many cymbals".

Me: "Who's a cute little fella? YOUR a cute little fella..."

-turn to the woman with him-

Me:"How old is he?...he's adorable!"

Sorry, but this approach may result in a punch in the face at some clubs/bars.
 
Nope... You haven't my dear friend, it's just my dry sense of humour :)

Haha - that was dry! I am so used to getting in trouble for some accidental foot-in-mouth behaviour that it always seems possible :)

Suppleness of a Thunderbird puppet....LOL Grea that's golden.

But Thinderbirds are GO......F.A.B :)

I was looking at that drumcam I posted a while ago and my left hand and arm looked like a puppet lol.

In the end it really depends on the feedback and how it's given. It might be useful, or not.
 
It's really kind of simple, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. It's kind of rude to point out things that weren't asked to be pointed out. Especially after Martha played all night for them. It's just bad manners. They could have just as easily pointed out stuff they liked, but this isn't that type of person we're dealing with right? When someone points out something "bad".... that sort of implies that the "pundit" (thanks Otto) is "better" at whatever is being pointed out.

It's best to not sink to their level but just once I'd love to hear someone dress a guy like this down. Like so I play all night for you and THIS is what you tell me? You're pointing out my faults? Does that make you feel big? Like a real man? Well does it? Punk?
 
It's really kind of simple, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. It's kind of rude to point out things that weren't asked to be pointed out. Especially after Martha played all night for them. It's just bad manners. They could have just as easily pointed out stuff they liked

Still, I think it depends on the feedback, Lar. Knowledge does not always come wrapped in good manners. Think of BBT - nerds are famous for undeveloped social skills.

Best to judge each piece of feedback on its merits IMO.
 
Picturing the person as physically aged to what my assessment of their mental age indicates always helps me avoid annoyance.

Pundit: "You use to many cymbals".

Me: "Who's a cute little fella? YOUR a cute little fella..."

-turn to the woman with him-

Me:"How old is he?...he's adorable!"

Sorry, but this approach may result in a punch in the face at some clubs/bars.

Absolutely.

There's a difference between "to" and "too", and between "your" and "you're". That kind of word crime is just inviting robust entertainment.
 
Last edited:
Still, I think it depends on the feedback, Lar. Knowledge does not always come wrapped in good manners. Think of BBT - nerds are famous for undeveloped social skills.

Best to judge each piece of feedback on its merits IMO.

IDK it seems like if it's the first time I'm saying something to someone, I'm not going to point out faults. Right there... that makes me think anyone who would do that.... they must lack certain basic manners, which also makes me think that I probably wouldn't value their opinion. Unless I know beforehand that they are a great player. But what great player is going to tear you down the first time they speak with you?

If the person is asked by the drummer what they thought....then that's different. Still pointing out the positive first, before getting into the negative, is a kind way to do it.

Basic friggin manners and respect lol.
 
Lar, you are not suited to the military.

Sargeant Major: "Private Ace! Atten-tion!"

Larry: "Hey! What about some frickin manners? I'd do it if you asked nicely, man, but I'm not standing to attention for some frickin Nazi!".

:)
 
You guys have left some VERY interesting ideas! Just a little more info..
-I've only played a few gigs the past year, and have been playing on my church worship team for about 3 years.. currently in 2 classic rock bands that gig private parties some and festivals..
-The first time I got really annoyed with a guy was my first gig with one of my bands.. first thing this guy did as we were setting up was come up to me and say "Hey, do you mind me playing your drums some?"... I said "You can take a look at them, are you a drummer?" and he said "yea".. then he asked our lead guy if he could sit on on some songs.. we were getting paid and our guy said "No, maybe next time"... by the end of the gig he had told my husband that my drums were out of tune, and told our lead guy that we'd never be invited back (he was a cook at the country club we were at). Turned out we learned that he was known to "not be all there".

-The second time was this last weekend when my group went the day before the gig to check out equipment.. the sound guy was there and he had volunteered his drums to be the ones used by our band and by another that we were alternating with. Well, I took one look at his drums and said "I really appreciate it, but I'm used to my drums and I'll bring them... the other guy will think they're fine (they're Ludwig Classic Maple John Bonham sizes, and his looked like a 70's Pearl Forum set that had original heads and rusty stands, old, old cymbals, etc...). They were going to record our session so I wanted us to sound as good as we could. Well, I could tell that he was offended right-off. So at the end of the thing, that's when he got his licks in by criticizing my kit and my playing.

So with these 2 things happening pretty close together, and in the first year that I'm in bands, it's made me wonder if this kind of behavior is a common thing towards musicians... Maybe I'm just "LUCKY"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
 
Looks like you're just "lucky", Martha. You ran into a right pair of pushy, selfish blighters right there.

The problem here is not the criticism - that's just their weapon - it's them trying to pressure you to do their bidding and you standing up for your rights. The first guy especially sounds like a toxic personality.

Nobody should try to horn in on someone's gig like that - he obviously doesn't have a clue.
 
I'm with Larry on this one. If you feel the need to go up to a drummer and criticize their playing that says more about you than the drummer. The two guys Martha is talking about are clearly douches. Learning something from the critique doesn't change the fact that it's rude. Lots of people are full of themselves and full of something else I won't mention.
 
The problem here is not the criticism - that's just their weapon - it's them trying to pressure you to do their bidding and you standing up for your rights.

^^^ Absolutely this. How very dare they.
 
There's a barely visible smiley there. :-D

Ms Martha (forgive me if I presume erroneously that Martha is your real name), I agree with the other commenters that sexism is likely playing a role. For that, I apologize. Mansplaining is never acceptable. I applaud you for daring to take up an overwhelmingly male musical pursuit. Drumming isn't easy in the first place, and being a woman in a male-dominated demographic is almost always awful for the woman.

I wish you every success! I have no solution other than a knee to the groin of the worst offenders. Though I suspect that doesn't exactly fit in with your Christian philosophy, I assure you it is remarkably effective. ;-)

My bold; thanks for that! That's a great one and never heard it before, I'll store it away for future use!
 
Having read your stories now, Martha, I agree that the men in question were, without fear of contradiction, complete douchecannons.

I maintain, however, that they wouldn't have practiced such blatant anal haberdashery if you have "outie" plumbing instead of "innie."

I'm with wossname up-thread: "Ooo, aren't you PRECIOUS!" He's welcome to take a swing at me. I've been swung on by douchecannons before. ;-) I don't recommend YOU do that, Martha, unless you've been practicing that knee to the groin.

Here's an idea. Feign appreciation. "Oh, wow! Thanks for the excellent advice! Here, let me give you a hug!" When you're hugging him, you have him right where you want him. In fact, you can actively pull him downwards, so you increase the transfer of force between your knee and his groinal area.

Can you tell I don't like people like that?
 
ah, the old "let me sit in for a couple songs" bit. lol, It used to happen to me a lot back in the day. Unless you know the person, the answer is always got to be no! Even so, one band I used to play in, the bass player was always inviting guys up to sit in with us for a song, singers, guitarists, drummers.

Sometimes you'll get the local bar hero drummer, who tries to pressure you into letting him play, sometimes with a group of drunken buddies. Still the answer needs to be a polite, but firm no, or else you need to get a beater kit and cymbals for gigging, and leave the good stuff at home.
 
I love you guys... thanks for taking the time to give me some wise, and quite humorous responses! I'll let you know if I continue to be "lucky", and I'll definitely take some of your advice to practice (no out-ie here).
 
Back
Top