Musos never tell me things like that after gigs. Occasionally when I've posted videos online people have suggested that I could work on my left wrist. It's a fair point - my left wrist has all the suppleness of a Thunderbirds puppet.
In a way, being criticised for one thing is a compliment. There's a lot of things that can be criticised in a performance - time, tightness, dynamics, feel, cycbal choices, drum tone and tuning (esp snare), setup, note choices, mechanics of movement, listening/responsiveness, etc.
So if someone criticises just one thing abut your gig, then that implicitly suggests that they think you're going okay in the other areas. If a muso in the audience has a shopping list of grievances about your playing then it's unlikely they'd say anything, rather than suggesting possible improvements to one or two areas.
Martha, given the above, I'm not convinced the amount of "helpful" feedback you're receiving is due to gender. Maybe it's a combination of being a woman, an inexperienced musician, and operating in a worship environment?